Health Struggles + Solutions During Deployment with Ashleigh Magee
Join my conversation with certified wellness and life coach for military women, Ashleigh Magee!
We chat about experiencing deployment from both ends of the spectrum, setting health and wellness goals during deployment, and what piece of permission Ashleigh would like to extend to milspouses.
Also don't miss the nifty poll on this episode via Spotify - interact with Ashleigh!
Ashleigh Magee is a certified wellness life coach and health coach for military women. Having served on active duty and being a dual-military spouse, she understands the unique challenges that face women in our community. She helps her clients create healthy habits in each of what she calls "The Four Pillars of Health," which are food, fitness, sleep, and mindset. This helps them lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle sustainably.
Find her on IG: @ashmageecoach
Learn more: ashleighmagee.com
Snag Ashleigh's free challenge: ashleighmagee.com/cleaneatingchallenge
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The Heart of a Milspouse Podcast is hosted by Jayla Rae Ardelean, Late Career Army Milspouse + Mentor.
Grab your ✨free✨ deployment resource here: jaylarae.com/deploymentkit
Learn more: jaylarae.com
Let's chat! @mil.spouse
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Episode Transcription Below:
(00:02):
Well, Hey there, Jayla Rae here, and I am joined by Ashley Magee. Ashley Magee is a certified wellness life coach and health coach for military women. Having served in active duty and being a dual military spouse. She understands the unique challenges that face women in our community. She helps her clients create healthy habits in each of what she calls the four pillars of health, which are food, fitness, sleep, and mindset. Hey, Ashley, thanks so much for joining me in this conversation today.
(00:32):
Hey Jayla. Thanks for having me.
(00:34):
Yeah. Awesome. So glad you could be here. So today we're going to talk about deployment and health and kind of how those two things relate to each other or don't relate to each other at all, as I'm guessing. But first tell me a little bit more about who you are and what is your orientation to military life today? How are you doing? Tell me all the things.
(00:58):
Yeah. so I'm actually dual military. So I am both active duty and military spouse, right? So kind of start of my career. I I commissioned out of the Naval academy in 2013 and commissioners as a surface warfare officer. So my first tour was on a fight, one destroyer USS Paul Hamilton out of Hawaii. So I was there for two years and then went to a desert on staff in Norfolk, Virginia. So I must've really irritated someone that they sent me from Hawaii to Virginia. But
(01:35):
That's a slap in the face. Come on.
(01:38):
Yeah. They were like, who did you off? And well, I was out there. I met my now husband. He is a Hawkeye pilot, but he's not in a flying role right now. He's kind of doing more of the, the shore tour job, but we dated for about a year and then, you know, standard military stories started doing that distance. So I went to grad school in Monterey, California, and he was stationed down in San Diego. So we were distant the whole time I was in grad school. So it was two years. And then about a month before I graduated, he deployed to Qatar in the middle east and was there for about, he was gone for about 10 months which coincided with me doing a PCs to where I'm stationed now, which is port wine, Amy, which by the way,
(02:35):
This is so much to take in, keep going.
(02:39):
Yes. yeah. So, and it gets better, right? Because this, this PCs that took place while my husband was gone, it was, you know, January of 2020. So it was, of course it was. Yeah. So I had about three months to like make friends and figure out my job before COVID shut down the world. And if he couldn't tell, by the way I am speaking, I'm very extroverted. So having my human begone and going to max telework at work I don't do well not being around people. So that was a, that was an interesting experience, but he came home in September of 2020. So we just celebrated our first year of actually living together. Amazing.
(03:26):
Congratulations. So glad we finally got to that
(03:29):
Point. Yup. And we're still married. We still like each other, so
(03:33):
Awesome. So things are on a great track. Things are, things are going well, but they're not going swimmingly let's we can put it that way.
(03:40):
Yeah. We're we're on the uphill. So that's kind of like my military background and also being a mil spouse kind of in a very quick nutshell.
(03:52):
Awesome. And where, sorry, did you say where you're currently stationed?
(03:56):
Oh yeah. I'm in port Wayne, Amy, California. So I'm like an hour outside of LA.
(04:01):
Oh, okay. Nice. I don't know anything about that area. So
(04:06):
These are all the beach. That's all you need to know.
(04:10):
Well, I feel like after what you just told me, you really deserve it. So go for it. You live on the beach. You'll do it.
(04:17):
Thank you.
(04:20):
So tell me a little bit more about like your personal experience with deployments now, you mentioned.
(04:26):
Yeah. so basically out of a 18 month period, I was gone 11 months. I did my first tour. I did an eight and a half ish deployment, eight and a half month ish deployment to the Arabian Gulf, which yea middle east. And then I transferred and thankfully didn't have to deploy immediately with the strike group. But I met them about halfway through deployment and did another like three and a half, four months of deployment with them again, to the middle east, to the Arabian Gulf. So I feel no desire to ever go back to like Dubai. I've been there like four times at this point.
(05:12):
Okay. Well hopefully it's not in your future again. Although again, based on what you told me, you're probably going back there, it's going to be hilarious. It's going to be like what,
(05:23):
Thankfully I'm not in a deploying status anymore. So unless I really felt like I needed to get back out there would not happen. And that is just fine with me.
(05:33):
Yeah. But what I find so interesting about your experiences that you have been deployed and you also have experienced your partner being deployed. So you haven't the both sides of the spectrum. I'm going to ask you a really hard question. Which of those would you prefer related to your health, your wellness and meeting your own goals?
(05:57):
Man, this is, this is good sound brutal, but me being home, like my spouse being deployed,
(06:03):
That's what you would prefer.
(06:04):
Yeah.
(06:05):
Yeah. I'm surprised that I answer.
(06:09):
He I mean, I guess to be fair while he was gone, I would, I mean, I am. Hmm. The fact that we just lived in our first year together is important with that. Right. Because when I went into his deployment, I wasn't used to sharing space with him. I think I probably have a lot harder time with it now. And it was hard, but like from a health and wellness and being able to stay kind of true to my goals and taking care of myself, you'll have so much more latitude and flexibility to do those things when you are shoreside than when you're underway on a ship.
(06:51):
Oh, absolutely. No. And now that you explain it a little bit further, that makes 100% sense. And do y'all have kids
(07:00):
Do fur babies count? We have very cute cats
(07:03):
Fur babies count definitely a different level to have a child, but
(07:07):
No, absolutely.
(07:08):
Yeah. So I totally relate to you in saying that you have a little bit more bandwidth when your partner is gone, because like your time isn't being filled by children and school and activities and whatever they have going on in your own calendar and your calendar is still your own. Absolutely. There's a lot of open space or can be, there can be a lot of open space to either like fill and be productive or attempt to reach your goals or do the exact opposite because you have the gift of time. And so there isn't actually pressure to, to meet those and keep moving forward.
(07:45):
Well, and also considering like I'm also active duty, right. So when he was gone, like I was still working my Navy job, do it in that. So that occupy, I didn't have like, you know, this space of time where I was like, I don't know what to do with my hands. I don't have kids, my humans. I hear like, I don't know. You know, that, that definitely was still kind of occupying my life as well.
(08:09):
Yeah. But in terms of like your social calendar or what do I do on the weekends orCOVID happened? And then I did a lot of sewing and knitting. Yeah.
(08:25):
I think we all kind of took up a couple hobbies during that time, but we probably have since left in the dust. So it makes total sense. Yeah, no, thanks for sharing a little bit more about that. And I think one of the things I wanted to highlight with our conversation today was I would love to hear from you what you define as like a health or wellness related goal and maybe why they're important to strive for, and kind of the common themes that you see in working with military spouses.
(09:01):
Oh yeah. Oh man. There's, there's, there's so many layers that have questions. There were three questions embedded in there. I can't, I can't ask a straight question. Apparently it's gotta be like, tell me everything. So go ahead and tell me everything.
(09:16):
I love it. Okay. So starting first with like, like what is a health and wellness goal? I really try to be cognizant about you know, why like going back to your, why, what is it that you want out of your life? So if you do, if you want to lose weight, well, what, what is the reasoning behind it? Is it because you have joint pain? You want your knees to her less, is it because you, you know, feel self-conscious when you take your kids to the pool because you don't want to be in a swimsuit. There's a lot of nuance to that and really digging down to, you know, understanding even when you are trying to get healthier. First of all, it doesn't mean that you are any less worthy of love and respect. I think that we forget that a lot in, especially in like there's a lot of toxicity in the, in the health and wellness industry, right?
(10:20):
So that's kind of one of those Hills that I want to die on. It's like, Hey, no, like you are still worthy of love and respect. In fact, the more you believe that the more likely you are to follow through on actions that are beneficial to your body, because you want to take care of yourself. So that, that's kind of where I like to start there. And, and then with that health and wellness is so personal, but it's also not, there's no finish line. Like I still, even as, as a health coach that has, you know, these healthy habits that I teach others, I'm still working on my own health and improving, like it's never over. And I think that's also a common misconception. So it's kind of the, where, how I like to frame this conversation in answering this question, but for health one was goals.
(11:15):
You know, I go back to those four pillars, food, fitness, sleep, and mindset, because I think that those are easy or simple ways to focus on where you can make changes and knowing that you don't have to do all the things all at once. So starting, you just have to pick somewhere to start. So it's okay. If you're feeling stressed, the kids are running a muck, your spouse is deployed and you're like, I don't even know what day it is, but I know I'm not coping with this the best then maybe the first health goal you have is instituting like a daily mindfulness or meditation practice just to provide calm for you. And, and then once you implement one habit, that's what tends to start that ball rolling for other aspects of health. But we get so fixated on, you know, oh, looking a certain way or being able to crush it at CrossFit or wherever it is and forget that those health goals can also be for your, your mental health and wellness as well.
(12:25):
And I think that's something really important, especially in the military community. You asked like one what's kind of the biggest barrier issue or thing that pops up a lot with military spouses. And I think honestly, it's common with, with women generally in the military community. So spouse active duty and veteran is, and I think, honestly, I think it's being a woman thing. We have this societal expectation to do all the things and do it perfectly and you better be serving everyone else. And if you take care of yourself, it is selfish. And that mindset is so entrenched in so many of us that it's, it's difficult to bake break through and go, no, no, no, no. Like you can't pour from an empty cup in order to be able to show up as the best version of yourself for your kids, for your spouse at work, you have to take care of yourself. And when it comes to your health, if you continually ignore that, that's ultimately going to not only not make you show up as the best version of yourself, but, but truncate how long you're on this earth.
(13:41):
Oh my gosh. So many nuggets of wisdom were hanging out. And what you just said, one thing I wanted to pull out is it was so important because I've been enacting this for myself. So I've been displaying on this podcast and on social media, how I'm not really doing well with this deployment at all. And I find that it's really important to Chronicle when we are doing well. And when we aren't doing well, because there's still a lot of lessons and wisdom to be gained in both of those areas. And one of the things that I did recently was I just, I signed up for the gym membership and I've only been to the gym three times and I've only walked on the treadmill, even my language. I'm saying,
(14:24):
Like, you're saying only what judgment are you making about yourself?
(14:28):
Right. Normally, normally like in the past, my pattern of thinking would have been it's all or nothing. We have to do it all at the same time and we do have to do it perfectly, but I took a step back and I just said, you know what, we're just going to start with walking on the treadmill. It's been awhile since you've been super active, it's been awhile since you've done more than walking nature walking, I wouldn't even call it a hike, more like nature walking. So like, we're just going to ease back into it. And then eventually we're going to start with a personal trainer and eventually we are going to make like healthier eating habits and form those and just taking the pressure off a little bit more and saying to myself that we're just going to start. There was massive for me to even say, so if you're out there and you're listening to this and you do find yourself falling into that trap of like it's all or nothing, and I have to do it all at the same time, that's really not a long-term strategy. It really does have to be stepping stones. And it has to be, there has to be a starting ground. So I love that you promote that. And that you believe that, and you work on that with your clients. I think that's so, so important. And it can take a long time to kind of demystify that.
(15:52):
I, I love it. I love that you said that because that is something that, you know, when, when you're feeling overwhelmed or it's an, and then, and then the guilt sets in, right? Cause you're like, oh, I really should get that work in or whatever. But what I try to encourage in my audience and my clients is ask yourself, what is one thing I can do to serve my body today? Just one thing and, and figure out what is the thing that makes sense for you? Is it going for a 20 minute walk? Is it shutting yourself in a room and taking a 20 minute nap? Napping is self-care, you know but, but giving yourself that permission again, to take that pressure off, and also remembering that we go through seasons, like life is not the same from, from month to month, year to year. So to hold yourself to a standard that you're at, you know, three months, six months, five, 10 years ago, isn't realistic. And it's okay to let yourself just be in the season that you're in and figure out what your needs are in that season.
(17:06):
Absolutely. Oh, I love that so much. Yeah. And currently my season is just a huge adjustment. So trying and that's, that's what a deployment is, is it's a major adjustment and it's an adjustment that can last for almost the entire length of a deployment. And then once you're finally adjusted,
(17:29):
They're coming back, You're like, oh, I forgot that you like suck at cleaning the dishes.
(17:39):
We're back here and we're back here. Yeah. And at the, at the time of this recording, I am almost almost four months. Is it almost, oh my gosh, is it almost four? This feels like the longest four months of my life. It's almost four months into this deployment, but this is a year long deployment. So I'm talking, the adjustment period is actually going to be longer too. If it were like six months or nine months, we might be past that already. We might be like to a form of deeper acceptance and I might be further along in my own health goals in journey as well, but because it's such a long period of time, that adjustment period is longer too. So even just saying in month three of the deployment, I'm finally just going to get the gym membership. I'm finally just going to go walk on the treadmill.
(18:28):
I'm going to start slow. Those are things that, you know, could benefit you and something that Ashley could support you with as well, which is actually a really good segue into a question that I wanted to ask everybody that I interviewed for this series, and maybe we've already answered it. But I believe one of the most powerful things that we can do is to give others permission. And some of that permission comes through when we share our own stories and our own perspective and what lessons we gained from those situations. Or just to be strong enough to say, there is no lesson here yet because I'm still in the muck, I'm still going through it. You know, whether that's like permission to feel permission to rest or whatever it is. So I wanted to ask you if you could give any set of permission to our listeners when it comes to their health and wellness and then related to deployment specifically, what would you say?
(19:28):
Yeah. Wow. That's, that's a really good question. That's a really good question. Thank you. As a coach, like I'm a sucker for a good question. Yeah, so I, I think one of the ones, the, one of the biggest ones we definitely already touched on, which is giving yourself the permission to take small steps which is honestly like small steps and building up open up over time is literally how you make sustainable change. Like is like the rule. There's a ton of data on it. But I think, especially when we're thinking about, you know, being a military spouse and taking care of your health and being on deployment, give yourself permission to do something for you. Because again, it can feel like the whole world is on your shoulders and you have to take care of all the things. And if you start putting pressure on yourself of like, oh, like I want to look a certain way when he gets back or, you know, like give yourself permission to, if you're going to change and grow. And I'm all about that, but do it for you because that's what you want. Again, I don't, I don't think we often give ourselves that, that freedom to go, no, like this is for me, I'm going to get dressed up because I want to look good for me, you know?
(20:59):
No, that's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that with everybody, because it's, I feel like it's kind of a, it's a typical answer we might give and yet we still don't do it. We hear people say that all the time, yourself permission to do something for you, but then enacting it and actually embodying that is a completely different process.
(21:27):
Common sense does not equal common practice. Yes.
(21:30):
Oh, it's beautiful. Yes. That's amazing. That's exactly what it is. That's exactly what it is. Yeah. Okay. Awesome. well, was there, was there anything else that you wanted to share with listeners today about what you do, kind of what you offer or any other tips, tricks that you have experiencing deployment?
(21:56):
Sure. one thing that did come to mind that we haven't really talked about yet, and this is kind of, it goes both to helping you be successful in health, but also helping with kind of some of those challenges with separation during deployment. Again, I mentioned I'm an extrovert. I should not be left alone for long periods of time. That truly was the hardest part of, of my husband being gone combined with COVID isolation. I like, I may to like July of 2020, and I was like, I am not okay. I'm
(22:30):
Further along than some of us,
(22:33):
I'm really good at internalizing stress. So it takes a while for it to bubble up to the point where I'm like, oh, this is bad now it's just about how long I made it. But anyway finding community of, of like-minded people to help you through this time. So obviously like in the military community, we tend to rely on each other a lot. But that can also sometimes feel a little daunting. I've, I've definitely met other spouses where they're like, I don't really feel like I fit in with like the spouse group here. And because I don't have that built in support structure, I don't know what to do. So being open to kind of reaching outside of that comfort zone outside of that military community at that, if that makes sense for you finding that support structure and that's where like going to a jammer or, you know, doing something like that can be really helpful because if you find people that are like-minded in their health goals and help you stay accountable and, and it makes the process more fun.
(23:45):
Absolutely. And I am on that same page. Like I need the accountability or I'm not going to do it. And that's one of my biggest struggles on this deployment is there is nobody around watching. If I wake up on time, if I go to bed at a time, if I actually go to the gym, if I eat something healthy, if I order in all of those things, nobody is monitoring me, nobody's watching me. And so I've also like lost the accountability as well. So I love that you said that that's the piece that I want to pull out that hopefully listeners really relate to. That is so important. And I know a lot of people say like, you got to find your community, you got to, if it's not like hooked into the base or station that you're currently at, maybe it's somewhere else, maybe it's online. Maybe it is at a gym that has nothing to do with military personnel whatsoever. And if you're rolling your eyes, hearing that that means you need to listen to it. If your immediate reaction is I've heard this before and I don't want to do it. That means that you need to do it. Your resistance is trying to tell you something. So,
(24:53):
Yeah, I just want to, I just want to like zero in on that because I was there too. I was like, I don't want people to tell me that I need to find a community of people because I'm fine by myself and I'm great. And who needs that we all do.
(25:07):
It's true. And maybe you start with like one person, like I made one very close friend during COVID and she was like, my COVID buddy. Right. And now we're still really good friends, you know? So it doesn't have to be like, now I'm friends with 20 people. It's like, maybe just find one person that like gets you.
(25:27):
Yeah. That one person could be massive, have like a massive impact on you. It's totally true.
(25:33):
Yeah, totally, totally. So, and then you asked kind of a little bit more about what I do and the timing of this is actually really great. So I starting black Friday, we'll be opening enrollment for my healthy habits, happy life program, which is a 12 week health coaching program. And by the way, I started after the new year. Right. Because no one, no one wants to do no, wants to be like, oh, I have to be beholden to health coaching over the holidays. Like no enjoy, enjoy yourself, enjoy your Thanksgiving, enjoy your Christmas, enjoy the cocktails. Like I also preach balance if you couldn't tell, but also know that you can commit to a program where, how many times have you made that your new year's resolution of, okay, this time it's going to be different. What I find is a lot of time, the problem is DIY doesn't work because there's so much disparate health advice out there.
(26:37):
So what I do is, again, help you learn how to create customized habits in those four pillars, food, fitness, sleep, and mindset to your life. So you can learn how to sustain them. I tell my clients, I'm like, I want you to not need me to be able to sustain a healthy lifestyle without me. So that's kind of the biggest thing that I have coming up. And then for folks that are like, you know, generally like, okay, I already kind of have a plan. I'm already kinda know where I'm going, but I just need that accountability. I do have a membership that is literally like accountability and goal setting to, to help kind of scratch that itch too. So if people want to learn more, they can, my, my website is a work in progress I'm currently updating it. So I recommend just like shooting me a DM either on Instagram or also joining our Facebook group. The healthy women warriors Facebook group is for all military women. So women in the military community.
(27:40):
Awesome. And you can find her it's on Instagram, right @ashmageecoach.
(27:46):
Okay. And I'll have all of her stuff in the show notes too. So if you want to connect with Ashley further, please do so. All right. Well, I think we can wrap it on up. I really appreciate you joining me today and hopefully everybody has gleaned the wisdom that you shared and we appreciate having you and thanks so much.
(28:08):
Thank you so much, Jayla. This was really a fun conversation. Appreciate it.
(28:12):
Awesome. Bye everybody.