The Perspective of a Male Milspouse with Chris Molina
This week we are switching it up and speaking to male milspouse and Marine Corps veteran, Chris Molina! Chris is a girl dad and a leadership coach who finds himself navigating the female-dominated milspouse space. Chris and I discuss his experience as a milspouse, why he loves being a girl dad to his daughter, and his passion for understanding code-switching in every environment.
As a man in the female-dominated milspouse world, Chris feels the sense of isolation that many milspouses can relate to due to relocation, overseas assignments, and separation from friends and family. Chris shares a few tips on how to manage his feelings of isolation on his own and how he manages it with his wife as a couple.
In this episode, we mention Chris’s upcoming film Code-Switching. You can follow the Code Switching Instagram for updates and premiere dates.
If you liked this episode and you’d like to hear more, please take a moment to leave a (nice, hopefully) review and subscribe to The Heart of a Milspouse Podcast. Subscriptions and positive reviews make a huge difference for podcasters and it would help us out immensely. Thanks!
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Chris Molina is a two-time award-winning speaker, and an Amazon Best-Selling Author of his book I’m in a Leadership Role, Now What? The Student Edition, a Podcaster on the Professional by Choice Podcast and the How’d You Meet Podcast, a United States Marine Corps Veteran (serving 7 years on Active Duty), and a Purdue University Alum.
More than anything, Chris is a Father (#GirlDad), a Husband, a Son, a Brother, and an East Chicago, Indiana native.
Find Chris in all the places:
Website: https://www.chris-molina.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sgt.molina/
For college for Life: https://forcollegeforlife.com/chris/
Code Switching Film Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/codeswitchingfilm_/
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The Heart of a Milspouse Podcast is hosted by Jayla Rae Ardelean, Milspouse Mentor, Speaker, and Writer.
Grab your ♥️free♥️ resources here: jaylarae.com
Let's chat! @mil.spouse
TRANSCRIPT: The Perspective of a Male Milspouse with Chris Molina
[00:00:00] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Hey everyone. Welcome back to the Heart of a Mill Spouse podcast. Jay LaRay here and I'm joined by a special guest. I am joined by Chris Molina today, .
[00:00:10] Chris Molina: Awesome. Thank you for having me. I'm so happy to be here.
[00:00:13] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah, thanks for coming on.
[00:00:15] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Uh, how would you like to introduce yourself to our listeners?
[00:00:20] Chris Molina: Yeah, no, I think, I think, um, I, there's like a general introduction that I have because as you'll learn with my intro, I'm also a professional speaker, so I have to give my intro and bio to a lot of people. Uh, but generally I try to tailor it to the, to the audience.
[00:00:34] Chris Molina: So, . Um, I grew up in Indiana and right after high school I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. Ended up doing that for seven years on active duty. Uh, I was a 30 43 for any Marines out there, so I was a supply guy, supply and operations, and my first unit in the Marine Corps. Is where I met my wife, Katrina.
[00:00:56] Chris Molina: She's also a Marine and she's also a Supply Marine. [00:01:00] And we met in Okina, Japan and we have been married for about 16 years now. Um, oh my gosh. So, uh, I did, uh, I did seven years in the Marine Corps. I plan to do 20, so like right now. Some of the people that I was in the Marine Corps with that are still in, they're getting close to retirement and not gonna lie, it's a little jealous.
[00:01:21] Chris Molina: I'm just a little jealous about that. Um, but I only did seven because my left knee got injured in a training accident down in Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. And so my wife still stayed in after I did. She was not active for her entire. Enlistment. She did two years active and then about 12 years of reserve.
[00:01:42] Chris Molina: And so, um, I was the dependent for the first time, uh, for while she was in the reserves. Um, but I left, I'll give you the quick version of it. I left the Marine Corps after my knee got injured, went to Purdue University, graduated with a [00:02:00] uh, degree in business management and a minor in philosophy, and worked at John Deere for three.
[00:02:06] Chris Molina: and then I left John Deere, which was a difficult decision cuz they are an amazing company. They treated me very, very, very well. Uh, but I left to do more of what I have found passionate. and, and this is the type of passion that only rivals, uh, leading Marines in the Marine Corps. Those are the, like the two things that I love doing.
[00:02:28] Chris Molina: So I love helping college students and being a professional speaker. So I wrote a book on, on student leadership. Uh, I'm a part of the four college, four Life speaking Bureau at this moment. And, uh, just. The, just last night I came back from a speaking engagement down in Louisiana. Shout out to Northwestern State University.
[00:02:47] Chris Molina: All the demons down there, woo. Uh, they got good. I had king cake for the first time. Some gumbo, some really good food. Um, but yeah, so that's me. We have a three-year-old daughter who's gonna be four next month. I'm a full-time stay-at-home [00:03:00] dad and I, uh, I'm an entrepreneur or speaker. I'm working on a film, um, on code switching.
[00:03:07] Chris Molina: And yeah, I think that rounds me out. Wow. .
[00:03:12] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I'm just gonna let that like wash over everybody for a second. Cause the, first of all, that was one of the most like brilliant introductions cuz it every question I had, you then answered it. Right after I had the question in my mind, I was like, wait a second. Oh, oh, oh, he's getting there.
[00:03:27] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Oh, oh, oh, oh. Now he's giving it to me. Okay. .
[00:03:31] Chris Molina: Well, as, as, as a, as a podcast host myself, I try to set you up as good as I can. . Yeah, .
[00:03:37] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Um, well, and that's one of the things that we have in common actually, is podcasting, obviously, but also the speaking, and we're doing speaking. very different niches and areas. Um, but shout out to, uh, Samantha Burmeister, cuz she was the one who connected us.
[00:03:55] Jayla Rae Ardelean: She was like, y'all need to know each other. And I was like, yeah, [00:04:00] I love it when someone says that I need to know someone else. Um, yes. It's very flattering. It's very flattering, right? It's like, oh, they thought of me. That's so sweet. .
[00:04:10] Chris Molina: Yeah. Especially with Sam because like she only knows really cool people.
[00:04:14] Chris Molina: So you're right. It's, it's super flattering, but like I always, sometimes I'm not with Sam, but sometimes when somebody says that, I'm like, I hope this person is somebody that I need to know. Yeah. . Cause if not, and we like, what does, what does Sam think of me? I know .
[00:04:29] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I know. Luckily we we're, we're good in this case.
[00:04:32] Jayla Rae Ardelean: We both are like, Yep. We needed to know each other. This is awesome. We're gonna move forward, . Oh. Um, but I actually wanted to ask you about the code switching things. So, um, are you applying that to race specifically or like, are, are you doing this in terms of being a veteran? Turn? Back civilian like, or is it all of that?
[00:04:53] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I meant to ask you that when we had our conversation a
[00:04:55] Chris Molina: couple weeks ago. . Yeah. No, it, it goes everywhere. I think I start [00:05:00] in the place that's easiest to understand and easiest to point to, um, which is race. Uh, and, and it helps that. , I'm very mixed. So my background is, uh, Puerto Rican, Trinidadian, and Chinese growing up in a predominantly black and Hispanic, Hispanic neighborhood.
[00:05:15] Chris Molina: Um, and so that was my first teen, first 18 years of my life and the second 18 years, uh, spending predominantly white institutions. Um, and, and if they're not predominantly white now, because like both the Marine Corps on the enlisted side does a pretty good job of having a diverse, diverse group of people.
[00:05:33] Chris Molina: And Purdue Univers. Um, also has a good mix of, uh, individuals from Asia, but they've been historically white. Mm-hmm. . So like the, uh, the race and the way that I speak and express myself is a very easy way to start that conversation. . But one thing that I mentioned in my talks that I always, always try to put emphasis on is that racial code switching is just [00:06:00] one subset of code switching.
[00:06:02] Chris Molina: Hmm. Um, one thing that I've, and I will unabashedly very loudly always say this, um, whenever we start talking about the. The things about our veterans, America's veterans that maybe people don't want to talk about. It makes them feel bad. Mm-hmm. They don't want to hear about it. . Mm-hmm. It's, it, it, it's often like, oh, I don't wanna, like, that's so bad.
[00:06:26] Chris Molina: How can we fix it instead of just, um, hear the whole story, like listen to the whole story of, of exactly what veterans go through, and so you're absolutely. because for those that don't understand what code switching is, maybe I should have started there. It's just the way that you ex, you change the way that you express yourself when you are not part of the majority.
[00:06:46] Chris Molina: . So, um, being a, being a girl dad, for example, full-time stay-at-home dad. Anytime that I'm dropping my daughter off to school or at the [00:07:00] playground or reading a book that is made for parents and supposed to teach me about how to be a parent. , it's mostly women. It's mostly moms. It's mostly written towards mothers and like that verbiage.
[00:07:12] Chris Molina: And so I change the way that I express myself. I'm not the majority in these groups at all. And the same thing with veterans. Um, veterans feel that way a lot whenever they leave. A lot of times they don't even see themselves as veterans. They see, still see themselves as active duty. Um, and the same way with me being a dependent , whenever that was, um, a thing whenever I was the military spouse being a.
[00:07:35] Chris Molina: Being a guy that was the military spouse, um, especially cuz I had, I, I was like, I was just in the Marine Corps, so like I really didn't feel like I fit in with other, uh, spouses. Yeah, that type of code switching, changing the way that you have to express yourself. Um, some of us do it more than others, but it is absolutely everywhere.
[00:07:54] Chris Molina: So, um, the long answer to your question is I start off with race, but I, I very [00:08:00] quickly let everybody know that that is just one part of code. .
[00:08:05] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah, I'm actually really happy to hear that because I think that I'm not gonna reveal the show that this is in cuz it's so embarrassing. I can't, I can't say it.
[00:08:14] Jayla Rae Ardelean: There was a show in the last couple years with a psychologist. she herself was a black female and she was speaking about how code switching can be applied to a lot of different contexts, and I really appreciated that.
[00:08:26] Jayla Rae Ardelean: and.
[00:08:28] Jayla Rae Ardelean: how that, the application of that, theory, concept, whatever you wanna call it, can be applied in a lot of different ways. And she says that women in particular code switch toward the patriarchy, essentially. And I was like, oh shit. Yep. Well, yeah. Like we all know that. We all kind of like know that, but I think it's really important to use that terminology and start applying that terminology.
[00:08:55] Jayla Rae Ardelean: To a lot of different categories and groups of [00:09:00] people with, uh, respect, of course, .
[00:09:03] Chris Molina: Yep. Yeah, and I, I, I love having this conversation because code switching is, I use the word expression. You change the way that you express yourself. Yeah. And that comes in many way, shapes and forms. It's not just the words that you say, it's not just the accent that you have, it's the way that you happen to do your hair, the way that you dress, and even the things that you talk about.
[00:09:26] Chris Molina: Mm-hmm. like, , I know the things you
[00:09:28] Jayla Rae Ardelean: choose to share and conceal, .
[00:09:31] Chris Molina: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and the things that you, you, you, you have to learn about because you know that that's what everybody else talks about. And so like, that's a form of coing forcing yourself to do that or the, the, the, the, the culture that you're trying to fit into, forces you to do that.
[00:09:51] Chris Molina: Otherwise, you're an. . And so you have to force yourself to do that, which there's a bunch of complexity into it. I don't know. I dunno how deep you want to get, but, [00:10:00] There's also something called the self complexity theory, which talks about many different versions of yourself. So just because you are code switching to, let's say, like for me, I don't like golf at all, but when I was at John Deere, all of the other people really like golf.
[00:10:16] Chris Molina: They would talk about golf. I didn't wanna learn about it. If I had to force myself to learn about it, I would have, um, if I would've stayed there, but, I, if I, if I would've gone down that route, and this is a small example, but if I would've gone down that route and I would've found out that I liked.
[00:10:33] Chris Molina: That's no longer me code switching that is now just a part of me. But that first act of trying to pretend to like this new thing or know about this new thing, like that's where it can be damaging. Because if, if, if everything that you identify as is not accepted in this new place, then that process of changing the way that you express yourself and all of your identities [00:11:00] fully.
[00:11:02] Chris Molina: That can be very damaging psychologically because, uh, we, we, we tie a lot of our identities sometimes to the culture that we came from. And so sometimes it feels like my culture is not good enough. to be accepted there so it, it can go so many different places. That's why I love this topic cuz it's so, it's so, um, so complex but also so universal that we can understand.
[00:11:24] Chris Molina: Everybody can underst. .
[00:11:25] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Well, and there's also a layer of imposter syndrome that you're talking about there too, because when you're entering a new group and you're arriving with your set identity and characteristics and um, culture that you're hoping to apply in that case as well, if we're talking about military spouses, for example, and you're relocating and moving every couple of years, and you're bringing your set identity to that situation. And let's not forget, let's, let's add this additional element of gender and how your gender does not match the norm of [00:12:00] military spouses. What is that like for you? What is that experience like and how have you learned, if at all, to to improve those situations so that it doesn't feel so much like code switching and it feels a little bit more natural, I suppose.
[00:12:20] Chris Molina: Yeah, no, it, that's a, that's a great question. And I would say that by that point, luckily I had so much experience in code switching that it, it wasn't a new thing for me to feel like an outcast.
[00:12:35] Chris Molina: and, and I think that also comes be from my mixed identity. Like I, even though I, I grew up around my Puerto Rican family, there are many times because I don't speak Spanish mainly, but there are many times that I don't feel like I fully fit into that group. And that's where I grew up. And I grew up around my Puerto Rican family and so, Walking into a a, an event that is [00:13:00] for military folks and spouses and then knowing that like, I'm not one of the military folks.
[00:13:08] Chris Molina: I am one of the spouses, but I don't really fit in. And I know if I go over it there to that large group of women and I. Hey, what's going on? Like, it's, I I don't see that in my mind, going super smoothly, um, for so many different reasons. Yeah,
[00:13:29] Jayla Rae Ardelean: cuz, and I'll just, I'll just say one of 'em and dispel the, like, dispel the suspense.
[00:13:34] Jayla Rae Ardelean: We'd be afraid that you're hitting on us . Like that, that might be one of the things that we're thinking. And here's the thing, I would not get that impression from. , I can tell this is only our second conversation of hopefully many, but I, I know that that's not you. Right? That's not what you're there for.
[00:13:53] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Like I know, I can feel the intention, I can feel the just genuine friendliness of like, Hey, let's just [00:14:00] chat. You know? Sure. Uh, and there are other, there are other male, male spouses who may not be able to like, pull that off. Even if that's their intention. They may still come across. , this is how I interact with females.
[00:14:12] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I only really know one way to interact with females, and yeah. And now I'm in a situation where I'm
[00:14:20] Chris Molina: surrounded by that
[00:14:20] Chris Molina: So, no, I think you hit it on the head because that's also what I've found. Anytime I go to the park for toddlers, like take my daughter there, it's, it's a bunch of other, or it's a bunch of women and I like knowing the parents of the children so that maybe we can go our, our kids can go on play dates cuz my daughter's an only, but that never.
[00:14:46] Chris Molina: normal for me to go up and start asking questions like that because of the, that, that assumption. Mm-hmm. , like, I don't wanna be the guy that everybody's like, oh, he's gonna try to talk to you. I bet. Like I don't wanna be that guy. So you're absolutely right. That's one of the reasons. And [00:15:00] so, um, it's very lonely, but it's also, I have found that that is a perception in my mind and.
[00:15:15] Chris Molina: even though that might be a perception in other mil spouses minds that happen to be women, that's not everybody. Right. And so, um, I think military spouses and dependents, military dependents in general understand that feeling of being left out. Like understand the, the, the thought of like, I'm here in a supporting.
[00:15:43] Chris Molina: and how lonely that can get and that mindset. And so whenever they would see me and they would identify, they would see Katrina, who was Sergeant or staff, Sergeant Molina at the time, interacting with the group of Marines because she's a Marine there. That's her [00:16:00] unit. And they know that I'm her husband and they see her go away.
[00:16:05] Chris Molina: Some of them can identify, oh, that's a military spouse, He must be lonely. And so that, that helps of me being able to, just be there and openly,
[00:16:16] Chris Molina: to, to let it be known that like. Katrina and I are together in those moments where it's obvious that she's a part of that unit so that it's obvious I am the military spouse because,
[00:16:30] Jayla Rae Ardelean: because the other assumption that you're battling is because you are male. The light bulb might go off of like, oh, he's the service member.
[00:16:40] Jayla Rae Ardelean: But if it's like a uniformed situation, I think that's a little bit, you know, that's a little bit clearer who the service member actually is. But if it's a social engagement where nobody's in uniform, that can get a little trickier and people's assumptions start flying. And I've been around when that's happened.
[00:16:57] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I've been around when that's happened to women as well, who are the [00:17:00] service members and they're assumed to be the spouse. So I think that goes, that goes both ways. Um, , you know, that perspective of it's already really lonely. Mm-hmm. , and then these types of events kind of solidify that feeling of loneliness when all you're hoping for is connection or some sort of, Recognition even.
[00:17:24] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Um, I don't know what it is that you're, what are you looking for at these kinds of events? I shouldn't plug it in for you. What are you looking for, ? No.
[00:17:30] Chris Molina: Well, I, I, I was gonna plug in like where my mind goes. Um, anyway, and honestly it's just support for my wife because that's her unit. This is her event.
[00:17:41] Chris Molina: Yeah. This is her thing. Yeah. We can have our own things together. I could have my own things. I, I would hope that she would support me when it's my thing. This is her thing, and so like, I wanna make sure. , she's supported and a part of that support is her not having to worry about me. So like her not turning around and seeing me just like lonely looking at my [00:18:00] phone or like staring at the wall or something.
[00:18:02] Chris Molina: Like I don't want her being a wallflower exactly. Like I want her to see me like. Interacting with other people in a way that she doesn't think that I'm like bored or don't wanna be there and stuff like that. So, um, that, that's, that's my intent out of it. And, and I think it all comes back. . It's funny cuz like I talk about leadership a lot.
[00:18:24] Chris Molina: It all comes back to the leadership on both the, the unit side and the family. Um, I don't even know what they would call it now. I know they called it the family readiness office or something like that, but who, whoever is in charge. Ensuring that, um, information is disseminated to, uh, military spouses and family members.
[00:18:44] Chris Molina: Like it. It's, it's on both parties to be able to identify when things might not go the way that it's intended. Because what I just described about me wanting to support my wife, that is what the unit wants. That's what the family readiness wants. Like, [00:19:00] they want a happy unit so that my wife and her unit have a high level of readiness so that they can do their.
[00:19:07] Chris Molina: Yeah. And that is not possible if everything doesn't go smoothly. So when things don't go smoothly, we should be able to identify them as leaders. So we can be like, Hey, on one side, military spouses, by the way, staff Sergeant Molina, she has a husband, he might get lonely. Let's make sure that like somebody goes to talk to him, like maybe we can blah, blah, blah, whatever, whatever.
[00:19:26] Chris Molina: And same thing on the, um, leadership side. Um, they would need to ensure, oh, staar, Molina, are you gonna be bringing your husband? It's okay to bring your husband. All that type of stuff. So I think it's a, it's a, it's a combined leadership thing that hopefully can, can, um, make some of these interactions and situations a little bit more smooth.
[00:19:46] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. And, and the kinks and the communication as well.
[00:19:50] Chris Molina: Yeah.
[00:19:51] Jayla Rae Ardelean: so when those feelings of like, when you are feeling lonely, let's say this event did not go well, it wasn't. Sure, sure. It wasn't a great experience. [00:20:00] Um, you know, you're there to support your wife, you're doing what it is that you've been designed to do in this role, and, um, whether you want that role that day or not. Here it is, it's being thrusted upon you and you kind of gotta get over yourself. Um, what do you do for yourself when it didn't go well and you are feeling lonely and you are feeling isolated?
[00:20:20] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Like, who is it that you are reaching out to about that kind of thing because I, I would bet that it's not another military spouse, , I don't wanna make an assumption, but is that true?
[00:20:34] Chris Molina: No. Yeah. I don't, I do, I do not have a community of military spouses that I would've gone to. . And so it would've been that, um, that middle, that family readiness office or whoever is the designated person that is supposed to be helping in those situations.
[00:20:51] Chris Molina: But then I can also, like, in those types of situations, I would re, I'm not going to go complain to my wife to put another [00:21:00] thing on her plate. Mm. Like that's not in initially where my knee jerk reaction goes to. . But now that I do a lot of leadership work, which a lot of times for me is just, making people self-aware, like I understand a lot about limiting beliefs.
[00:21:15] Chris Molina: That's kind of where my, my brain goes to. So like the structure for limiting beliefs is that there are beliefs that feed your thoughts, that feed your outcomes, or, sorry, beliefs, feed your thoughts, thoughts feed your actions, actions feed your outcomes. And so like if I want a different outcome out of this structure, I don't just.
[00:21:34] Chris Molina: Try to change an action, which would be like, maybe I don't do this at the event. Um, I would need to go deeper, change the thoughts that I had walking in, and then go even deeper than that. There are probably some deep seated thoughts that I had that we kind of touched on earlier. Mm-hmm. , like, it's, it's, it, I'm, I'm probably gonna, people are probably gonna think that I'm trying to hit on somebody, or, or they're gonna have this assumption, like those are, those are limiting beliefs that I [00:22:00] have that stop.
[00:22:01] Chris Molina: from doing a certain thing to get the outcome that I desire, and so I would probably try to sit down and, um, figure out what it is that, that I could have done better. . Um, because I think we need to always start with a bit of ownership and then start looking outward to see like what else? Because it's also part of the, um, whatever situation, it's always, it's always shared blame, so there's always shared praise when things go wrong or right.
[00:22:31] Chris Molina: And so, um, I think I would've started there, started with me to see what it is that I could have done different, and then started looking outwards to see what. Who, who else can I talk to? Who else? Um, spouse wise, military wise, who are the designated people? Because I think that's, that's my military mindset coming in, knowing that , whether they're doing their job right or not, everybody [00:23:00] has an assigned role and all problems have an assigned person that is supposed to be taking care of that
[00:23:05] Chris Molina: And so, um, there's always somebody that you can go to. The military does a good job of ensuring that there are, uh, people to take care of everything, whether they do their job properly or not. That is a different discussion. But yeah, there are always people that the
[00:23:24] Jayla Rae Ardelean: roles exist. The hierarchy exists, the, the positions exist.
[00:23:29] Chris Molina: mm-hmm. . Yep. Yeah. And so I'd start there. I would definitely start there. That that's where I'd. . I really
[00:23:35] Jayla Rae Ardelean: love that piece of taking personal ownership first and then expanding upon it. I think. in relationships when we're not at our healthiest, we immediately go to the other person. And it's, it's sort of a, sort of a blame game.
[00:23:49] Jayla Rae Ardelean: It's sort of like, well, you didn't do this and therefore I couldn't do this. And if you fall into that trap, first of all, it's really hard to get out cuz that conversation [00:24:00] is going nowhere. but secondly, . It's hard to change that about yourself if you're not taking the moment to become self-aware that that is an impulse that you have.
[00:24:10] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Mm-hmm. , it's a, it's fine. Most people actually have that impulse, especially within a marriage. Like you're a team, you're supposed to be working together and when. You didn't do your part. It's, you know, like you can point the finger a little bit. And so coming back around, coming back around to, okay, we're not gonna start with how the other person affected my experience, we're gonna start with how did I affect my own experience negatively?
[00:24:42] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yep. And positively. and do that evaluation and you know, maybe there is a moment where your spouse can take a note or two of like, Hey, next time when we're in this situation, this is what I would really appreciate. Or something like that. Yep. I'll use an example. [00:25:00] We would go into rooms, where I know zero people.
[00:25:05] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I don't know if I'm ever gonna see these people again in my life. However, the military starts to feel really small, and you realize that you are gonna run into those people later. You may not remember their name, but you know at what assignment, at what point of the career and what duty station you saw them.
[00:25:21] Jayla Rae Ardelean: So you enter a ari. Mm-hmm. , you know, zero. I, my note to my husband is when you don't introduce me, like the imposter syndrome starts flaring, , the fingers are gonna start pointing. My experience is gonna tank all these things. So just taking that moment to just take the initiative to say like, this is my wife, Jayla Rae.
[00:25:42] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Um, . It does wonders. It does. It does so many wonders. However, before we got to that point where I recognized my own shit and he recognized like, oh yeah, I do do that thing where I get caught up in a conversation and then you're just kind of standing there. I, yeah. Mm-hmm. , that does happen. Mm-hmm. Before all [00:26:00] that, it was a lot of finger pointing and it was a lot.
[00:26:02] Jayla Rae Ardelean: of discomfort and you know, that was kind of how we needed to. How to like do it better. Mm-hmm. , um, mm-hmm. , we needed to go through all the hard stuff first. We, we need to learn hard the hard way sometimes. but had I began with your method, probably would've gotten, probably would've gotten a lot further faster.
[00:26:25] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Probably would've seen much more. , impact or success, or however you wanna put that, because it really is about that, like radical candor with yourself mm-hmm. , and like, how did you, how did you mess this up? What, what can you do better?
[00:26:41] Chris Molina: So, yeah. No, I like, I like that story because it, it, it's very relatable whether you're a military spouse or.
[00:26:49] Chris Molina: We all know situations that you've had to walk into that you're not super familiar with and you wish something would've been done differently. Like whenever you describe that, I've had to, tell my wife [00:27:00] multiple times that like, I appreciate it so much. When you find another guy that you're like, oh my gosh, they share interests, I should introduce them to each other.
[00:27:10] Chris Molina: Mm-hmm. and they might be friends. What I don't appreciate is like you going in. Saying it in a way as if I'm a six year old, that you found another six year old and you're like, both of you like toys. Go play with toys now. Like . Listen, listen, I'm, I'm an extroverts, extrovert. I'm so extroverted. All you need to know is let me know.
[00:27:33] Chris Molina: Like, Hey, John likes mixed martial arts. Like you, I heard him mention it and then just put me near that person. Yeah. Or like pick, pick a, pick a person's name and an interest that I share with them. Mention it, put me near them. I will start the conversation. Yeah. I don't, I don't, I don't need any other baby handling or like coming back to check on me to make sure that, Oh, did you guys talk about this and that?
[00:27:58] Chris Molina: Like just, no, let
[00:27:59] Jayla Rae Ardelean: me do my [00:28:00] thing. See the connector? Yeah, you just need the, that's the connection point. And then you can take it from there. Right. I'll take it from there. So, absolutely right. I feel similarly about the introduction. As soon as he says, this is my wife, Jay Ray. Oh, I've got it. I just don't, I don't like walking around and introducing myself when he's standing.
[00:28:18] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Right. Yeah. I don't know. It's just a thing. It's just a thing. Um, , but it's funny that you bring up like, you know, you're an extroverts extrovert because you, this is a, this is a skill. This is wiring and this is like personality and this is, but it's also a skill and mm-hmm. , there are so many introverts out there, my husband included, who have had to like, exercise that skill more and more to make these social situations like a little less awkward
[00:28:49] Jayla Rae Ardelean: But it's not always it. Yeah, it's not always smooth sailing and it's not always easy. I did wanna ask you about being the. , what [00:29:00] it sounds to me like, cuz you're the stay-at-home dad, the primary caregiver in your household, I don't know if I can assign that to you. how does this affect you as an individual, but how do you also like stay in touch with yourself with that responsibility added on top of all of these hats that you.
[00:29:20] Jayla Rae Ardelean: um, many
[00:29:21] Chris Molina: hats. . . I got a lot of hats and, uh, like I feel most alive whenever I have a bunch of hats. So, mm. It, it helps. It's not a super easy, but it, it makes me happy. So, um, your question was how do I stay in touch with myself? Yeah. How juggling all these things. Well,
[00:29:42] Jayla Rae Ardelean: and also we have the added element.
[00:29:45] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Typically if someone is at home, it, it is the female. And that is not true in this case. And so I'm imagining that there are many situations where people don't understand that you are the primary caregiver. Yep. [00:30:00] And I mean, I don't know how often that comes up.
[00:30:04] Chris Molina: We have, we have many reversed roles. , my wife is, we both started the Marine Corps and then we went to college, but, she's also an engineer and I'm a business major, so like fixing things around the house, like whenever she's not here, I figure it out, but she gets excited about it, so.
[00:30:23] Chris Molina: Hmm. , she can do that. She's, she's excited about her truck and all of her tools and God. That's not me . Um, and so, uh, like
[00:30:38] Chris Molina: it's difficult, right? Because whenever you are like me, I am a very loud example of something that stands against many status quos in Western. , and I do that just by [00:31:00] existing. I'm not a person, if you find me on social or anything. I'm not a person banging any drum outside of leadership and code switching.
[00:31:07] Chris Molina: And I'm not even that loud about those things. Like I'm only loud on stage . And so just by existing, like I stand against these things and, and, and when you're not a part of the norm in so many different ways, Like, for example, we'll take the primary caregiver and I take that, uh, assignment proudly and my wife assigns that title to me as well.
[00:31:29] Chris Molina: So like that is not typically how it is. So it's a constant reminder, which is good and a bad thing. Constant reminder that I'm not the norm. Good part. Small example, good part is I get go to pick Ava up. This happens very. Dakota pick her up. She's had her hair up in whatever way that I did it. I normally do it.
[00:31:53] Chris Molina: Sometimes Katrina will do it the night before and it lasts through the night. But like, I generally will go [00:32:00] for, for pigtails. They're gonna be a little loose when I get there. And I would, I like her hair looking put together if they, if they can be. And so like she's, she's there washing her hands and I'm there taking it.
[00:32:15] Chris Molina: Putting the little hair tie my mouth, getting back, putting it on, so that's tight. And the amount of like head turns. Anytime I do any hair related thing with my daughter, it's, it's flattering cuz they're like, well, you do her hair, like yeah, do pretty much every day. My husband would not be able to do that if he, if his life depend or like some, some comment.
[00:32:41] Chris Molina: Has
[00:32:42] Jayla Rae Ardelean: he ever tried? First of all, , no. Exactly. .
[00:32:45] Chris Molina: So, no. And you know what, like su super flattering, Hey, I do a thing that is not expected of me because of gender norms. Cool. I have a skillset. You're comp trying to compliment me on that skillset [00:33:00] when it's, every single time I touch my daughter's hair, ugh.
[00:33:04] Chris Molina: Sometimes I just wanna fix her hair. Yeah. And I don't. Like a bunch of eyes coming at me and then a comment on like all this type of stuff because, and that's just one small example of like me, a, a, a, a thing that is a constant reminder that like, I'm not a part of any parenting group really. Like I'm not, I'm, I'm obviously not a woman because if I was a woman fixing my daughter's hair, they would not be commenting.
[00:33:38] Chris Molina: I'm not a part of the typical dad group because that seems to be a thing that not most dads do according to the reactions that I get. So like this, this feeling of community or belonging is constantly eroded mm-hmm. With all of those little things that happen because that is just one example, [00:34:00] um, of, of many.
[00:34:03] Chris Molina: And the way that I have. , the way that I check in with myself is in a, a couple different ways, but one is just knowing that,
[00:34:17] Chris Molina: from what I understand, because I'm not a woman, never gonna be a woman, but a woman living in America is, there are, especially depending on the, the, uh, the profession or the place that they are geographically located, there are probably going to be times, , my daughter is not going to feel like she fits in.
[00:34:38] Chris Molina: Mm-hmm. and like having this experience now and then whenever she's going to start seeing it, I can let her know what resilience looks like. Hmm. What it looks like to be able to accept what the [00:35:00] reality is and. Also know why I do what I do. Like I, I have it firmly rooted in I want to be a good dad to my daughter.
[00:35:14] Chris Molina: That's what's important. Although all those little head turns and comments that are meant to be compliments, I get it. Although those things are quietly eroding at the sense of belonging that I wish that I did. and it's slightly annoying. It pales in comparison to the importance that I place on being a good dad to her.
[00:35:41] Chris Molina: And so I hope, and that that's, that's how I check in with myself. Like, yeah, this sucks, but there's a bigger meaning to why I do what I do. Yeah. And if, if I care about leadership at all, the real leadership is leading by.
[00:35:57]
[00:35:57] Chris Molina: And I, I've also said this phrase [00:36:00] to many of my friends and that it's that parenthood is the pinnacle of leadership. Like if I care about leadership at all, then I need to lead by example and show her that we should continue to do the things that are important to us in face of all of the little things that are annoying.
[00:36:24] Chris Molina: So that's how I check in with. Damn.
[00:36:28] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Um, wait. Parenthood is the pinnacle of leadership? Yes. Wow. That's like a really humbling. check to the gut for anybody who is , um, seemingly getting caught up in, in the little things. But I love the example that you used because it does sound really small in comparison to this like bigger picture that people are giving you this look while you're adjusting your daughter's hair.
[00:36:59] Jayla Rae Ardelean: [00:37:00] However, if you're experiencing multiple of those every day of your life, On end, that's when it gets complicated because it's just a, it starts to feel like a barrage and, and just like you said, people are trying to give you a compliment, although it's semi backhanded and it's really laced with their beliefs, whether they think they're revealing that or not.
[00:37:29] Jayla Rae Ardelean: um, it's still. . It's still just such a great example for that reason, because it, it's seemingly so small and, and truly it's not. Um, but I'm so glad I asked you that because now I have my own little pep talk for when parenting shit gets hard and
[00:37:47] Chris Molina: Yeah. No, and like. I, I like to point to like any problem that we have in the world, any, any time you have a shitty boss, anytime that you have [00:38:00] somebody cut you off or you just see a horrible person on a video, on social media or anything like that.
[00:38:05] Chris Molina: Now that I'm a parent, like I'm, I just think, God, I wish somebody raised that person better. Like God, I wish that person had a better parent at home growing up. Yeah. Yeah. Because for me, that's what it comes down to. Like we model ourselves off, off our parents, whatever trauma we have. Cause I think everybody has baggage.
[00:38:28] Chris Molina: Like it comes from the way that we were raised. If we were just, if, if, if we put more importance on parenting in our society, I think that would fix a ton of things.
[00:38:46] Jayla Rae Ardelean: But it's, it's kind, well, you kind of said this, but kind of not like parenting does begin with the individual self before you can even extend that love and caretaking to the child.
[00:38:59] Jayla Rae Ardelean: [00:39:00] And I don't know how we got on the topic of parenthood and I am not an expert . Um, but what I, what I think, I think we both believe this, that. There's so much to be said and there's so much to be done about handling your own shit if you do want to be an impactful parent, and I don't even say like, sure, successful cuz like that word connotates a lot of different things for many different people.
[00:39:29] Jayla Rae Ardelean: But even just to have the impact that you were hoping for. I really believe that that cannot be done unless you are taking the moment to self-evaluate and figuring out, sure, how can I do this better? Um, yeah. And when I see different, like,
[00:39:48] Chris Molina: oh, go ahead. No, no, no. I was gonna, I was just gonna say that I think it's a great analogy for military spouses, not just male military spouses who may [00:40:00] happen to be the primary caregiver.
[00:40:01] Chris Molina: Like it's directly a applicable for those people if they're listening, but like parent, I'm in a support role for my daughter like I am. I am the support. It's the exact same way. Whenever I thought about being a. A military spouse to my wife while she still wore that uniform. Like, I am here for support.
[00:40:24] Chris Molina: Yeah. And, and I, and I think that word support means secondary to some people or less than, or not primary. And like we can get into semantics if we want, but if your house is messed. and that military member does not wanna come back to that house because everything with the support is not working the way that it should be, regardless of who's fault that might be.
[00:40:54] Chris Molina: Then it's no longer a support issue that becomes a [00:41:00] primary issue. Hmm. And and I think that shows just how linked it is. To that thing, the way that my parenthood and, and the way that I, I decide to, to parent my daughter is so deeply, will be so deeply ingrained in who my daughter grows up to be. The way that we support our spouses.
[00:41:22] Chris Molina: is deeply ingrained in the service member that they grow to be. Mm-hmm. . So I think there is an analogy there because No, you're right. As soon as we were talking about it and we're in the middle of it, I was like, this, I don't think this is a, this isn't a a a a parenthood no podcast . It's
[00:41:39] Jayla Rae Ardelean: 100% not. Um, but I mean, for anyone who has been listening for a while, you know that I'm a stepmom.
[00:41:47] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And so when I do bring. Parenting, stepchildren in particular as the support role to a service member in a blended family. you know, I, I [00:42:00] grew up with stepparents and with step-siblings you could say that I was sort of quote unquote built for this. Like, I had an example of it and then I just found a man who had kids and I was like, oh shit, I guess I'm doing this now.
[00:42:15] Jayla Rae Ardelean: . But so I've said that many times. and I guess I should be asking , I guess I should be asking this question about parenthood to any military spouse, but what I find so interesting about this conversation,
[00:42:33] Jayla Rae Ardelean: What I think I was trying to say was, I don't, I wanted to bring up the concept of parenthood and being the primary caregiver with you, because of what you said that you are not the cultural norm in this case, and so I'm just curious how it impacts you as the individual and impacts any. =Male military spouse who's, who may be listening to this and who is the primary caregiver.[00:43:00] because like you said, that is a, I guess we could call it a role reversal, however. Mm-hmm. , I do wanna break away from maybe using the term reverse and more just like this is becoming, it's becoming more and more common, let's say.
[00:43:17] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Mm-hmm. , but the norm is still. what we know it to be. I'm just trying to figure out a way to recognize that this isn't, uh, this is happening, but it's still not happening at the rate of having a classic male service member and female military spouse. So until we get to a time when the numbers, which I don't even know what the numbers are.
[00:43:46] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Maybe I should look those up. Um, yeah. Until we get to a point where the numbers of non-binary spouses and male spouses are matching female identifying spouses, That's another [00:44:00] conversation, but we're really far off. So , so that's part of why I wanna have these conversations in particular at all is because I know that we're still so far off.
[00:44:13] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Uh, so in closing, Chris, what do you think that, what do you think it is that female identifying military spouses can do better to support male and non-binary counterparts. What are we, how are we messing up? Chris . Tell
[00:44:34] Chris Molina: us. Are you trying to, you trying to trap me? You trying to, you trying to set me up?
[00:44:40] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I'm really not. I know I can phrase the question. Oh. Straight to you like that. And you're gonna give me a straight, a straight answer. That's what I really
[00:44:48] Chris Molina: want, dude. My, like my, my entire career speaking is, is talking about touchy subjects cuz nobody wants to talk about code switching. And, um, I've stroll [00:45:00] in and, and as tactfully as I can go through that, uh, that space.
[00:45:06] Chris Molina: So it's interesting. I do wanna do, want to very bluntly put out there that it's the same way I get this, I get this feeling. When you ask me that question, I feel like I need to put the disclaimer out there that like, cuz I have a little sister that's also a Marine Corps veteran. My wife is a Marine Corps veteran.
[00:45:35] Chris Molina: I won't ever know firsthand, but being a woman in the military is not easy. Being in the military is not easy. Being a woman in the military is not easy compared to that.
[00:45:47] Chris Molina: And so any type of criticism or like, Hey, you guys should do this better from a guy like that, just feels really, It feels a certain way, and it's hard to describe. It's the same way with me talking about like [00:46:00] parenting thing and being a a, a, a girl dad, like boohoo me, didn't carry it for nine months, didn't go through postpartum anything.
[00:46:08] Chris Molina: Like, and so I, no,
[00:46:10] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I just wanna put that you're still in the trenches of parenting. Oh my God. I just use another turn of phrase, but I'm like, maybe I shouldn't use that .
[00:46:18] Chris Molina: It doesn't not offend me. Okay. but so, That doesn't reduce what I'm going through, right. Or reduce or discount what I have to say. But I think it is incredibly important to put that out there, that, those are things I'm aware of those things.
[00:46:35] Chris Molina: I don't know that specifically women need to do anything different than men need to do in regards to a service member supporting their spouse, because in the end, we all need to ensure that we're communicating with our spouse to understand how we can support each other better, [00:47:00] and then act accordingly.
[00:47:02] Chris Molina: Because that would be my, my suggestion. I did hear, hear this once from a speaker cuz she was talking about how she takes a dominant role in many things because she has her own business. Uh, she considers herself like the head of the household and all these other things, and her husband has, they both have a phrase that they know whenever he says it, she can just back off for a second and he will just say, stop stepping on my balls.
[00:47:35] Chris Molina: and she will understand whatever way he needs me to let him be. Whatever in his mind is being a man in that moment, maybe I need to take a step back and let him do that. Hmm. And so whatever that looks like for a relationship. It doesn't have to be yelling out a vulgar phrase like that. . [00:48:00] Maybe it's, it's, it is kinda something
[00:48:02] Jayla Rae Ardelean: else.
[00:48:02] Jayla Rae Ardelean: A vulgar example, but I understand why you're bringing in here.
[00:48:06] Chris Molina: Yeah. . There, there, there. I, I think, um, there can be a, a universal statement that is understood between two people that are, um, in this case, the, um, female service member and the, the male spouse of.
[00:48:24] Chris Molina: you are always expected to be in that role. The primary role, the um, at least I know in the Marine Corps there's, there's a lot of loud energy that you need to be a good Marine Corps leader and like, that's the type of energy that sometimes men feel like I need to be able to do this. So like, if there's a situation where I can do a thing that is manly, quote unquote.
[00:48:52] Chris Molina: like, let me do that thing. If that is a thing that I feel makes me feel like I'm more of a man. Hmm. Like, let [00:49:00] me do that. And so maybe we can just search for more of those ways to, to, to let that person feel like they're more of whatever it is that they happen to identify as.
[00:49:14] Jayla Rae Ardelean: So I'm gonna be, so this is funny cuz that's not actually how I meant that question.
[00:49:21] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Um, and now I don't even wanna tell you how I meant my question cuz your answer was way better than what dumb ass question I was gonna be asking . Okay. But I will say, I will say it. because being a military spouse is already so lonely and I know that those who do not fit the female identifying spouse role can feel even more isolated, because they're not as interconnected into these groups, um, either by way of choice or by way of ostracization or both.
[00:49:59] Jayla Rae Ardelean: what [00:50:00] is it that we can do better to welcome you. What is it that we can do better to make you feel included and to make your voice heard just as much as
[00:50:18] Chris Molina: ours? Um, two answers. I phrased it better. . Yeah, so, so that was the initial question. ,
[00:50:27] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I think that was my initial question. But you were like, gotcha.
[00:50:31] Jayla Rae Ardelean: It, yours was great. I loved yours. Just, yeah, keep going. .
[00:50:35] Chris Molina: No. Um, so I, I think it's, it's twofold. Number one is to plainly say it with words like very plainly say, um, not just that, Hey, we want you here. Like we want to accept you here. We have a space for you here. You are welcome to be here. Um, but then also, [00:51:00] Pointing out the obvious cause I think the, the, the longer that elephants are elephants in a room, the more power that they get.
[00:51:07] Chris Molina: And so point out the obvious. Like, Hey, you're one of three guys. Yeah. You're one of one guy. Like, we understand we still want you, like you're, you still have space here. Mm-hmm. You can still come here and be here. So that would be the first one. But then the, I think the second one is to just understand something that I'm learning through making the film on the documentary.
[00:51:34] Chris Molina: I got to speak to a, a brilliant professor, Dr. Miles Durkey. He's, he's up at University of Michigan and he's done a ton of, Work on code switching, specifically the, acting white accusation among Black high school students and black college students. And just how that, affects them.
[00:51:56] Chris Molina: And so one thing that he said that was, [00:52:00] an unintentional finding was, He had a group of students and he was observing them for different reasons, but he w he w he basically put them in a room and let them code switch and then recreated that and said, okay, now this time, all of these code switching things that you did, don't do them anymore.
[00:52:21] Chris Molina: Do not code switch. And he said, put, let them do their thing. And he noticed that like they initially tried for like maybe the first couple sentences. and then they went right back to code switching. Cuz it's so ingrained that even when they're told don't do this. And I don't know if you've ever seen experiments on college campuses, a lot of times you'll get paid, like it's not a lot, but like they'll say, show up here for a half hour, you'll get $20.
[00:52:51] Chris Molina: So like they're paid to be there, they're students, they want to help with the experiment, but they still can't follow instructions because it's so ingrained. So even though I say [00:53:00] start with words, because that's where we need to start saying, you are welcomed here. You can be here. We want to hear your voice.
[00:53:09] Chris Molina: For those of us that don't feel like we should be there or it's comfortable to be there, we're not gonna go. And a lot of times we're not going to share our voice just by being. that we can be there, that we want to hear your voice. That's where it starts. But I think it also starts with that fundamental understanding that this is a complex thing that you would have to attack if you want people to truly feel accepted and welcomed and that sense of belonging.
[00:53:40] Chris Molina: Like there's, there's so many things that need to be done for that to actually happen because we already have. We already have coping mechanisms and other things ingrained in the, in US so that we can avoid being ostracized or feeling bad or whatever those feelings are. So, [00:54:00] um, start with words, but then have the understanding that that's not enough.
[00:54:06] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I love that. And it's also about the, the actions too. Cuz I can imagine that, you know, some people have said that and they didn't really mean it. They weren't like, sure, yeah, we really do want you here. It's just that we have to say that you're welcome. And so we're kind of like checking that off. Uh yep.
[00:54:27] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And it falls really, it falls really flat and it's disingenuous. So. . I love this idea of there's so much more that has to go into it to back that up, um mm-hmm. to back that claim up that, uh, is systemic. So that's not really on us as individuals. Mm-hmm. . However, it's also in those interpersonal connections and, you know, saying what you mean.
[00:54:55] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And also just like making, there's, there's a [00:55:00] level of effort. that needs to be applied. Mm-hmm. . And the same goes for just, you know, two female military spouses getting to know each other. That takes effort. You have to be the one to say, let's go get coffee. Okay, we did that coffee now do you want to go do something else?
[00:55:19] Jayla Rae Ardelean: You know, apart from the fact that making friendships as an adult is a weird process, . Yep. And then, you know, so there's all of that like mixed into it too. And backing up the claims is, yes, it's on us to be more welcoming. And also there's like this whole other big picture that requires. Attention .
[00:55:47] Chris Molina: Yep. No, it's, it's, and I hate that answer because it's such a non-answer and it's not like a, a thing that many speakers go to, many speakers or, [00:56:00] or, or people that, that make videos.
[00:56:01] Chris Molina: Like you don't get clicks by saying, it's more complicated than I have time for in this video. . Yeah. Like that's not, that's not something that people were like, did you hear what Chris said? That was amazing. Yeah. Like, no, but it's, it's, it's the truth. You, and there's no one size fits all answer. Even if I, even if I, we took the next half hour and talked about all the systematic things that you could do.
[00:56:25] Chris Molina: You can do this, you can do this, you can do this, and all these things will yield you better results. It's different in every branch. It's different in every unit. It's different with different people. You can be in the same branch, same unit a year later. You get a different individual there that reacts differently to the um, tactic tactics that you're trying to use.
[00:56:45] Chris Molina: It's so complex, but we need to know that it is that complex so that whenever we try to put that, and I'll use a. Now that is military, not troops or trenches. But when you try to put, um, [00:57:00] that, when you try, are you making fun of me, ? No. No. Never. I would never. OK , when you try to put that Band-Aid on that bullet hole, the Band-Aid being, Hey, we told 'em that they're accepted.
[00:57:15] Chris Molina: The bullet hole being, they don't feel accepted at all. Like you use words to try to fix that really deep, complex problem. We have to understand that there's a lot that goes into trying to fix that problem and that it's important. It's it, it is important. It's not just, oh, that's one guy sucks. We don't have the time, we don't have the resources.
[00:57:34] Chris Molina: Like, doesn't matter. You should still try. And it's
[00:57:40] Jayla Rae Ardelean: not really up to you as the individual either to like take that on. Cuz if you're, if you're sensing this systemic, but also just. Interpersonal communication issue that's happening in these interactions and everything. You know, it'd be easy for. I think other people [00:58:00] would think that it'd be easy for you to fight for it because you've been at, you've been the one experiencing it, and so you know that position better than anybody.
[00:58:08] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And if you're not fighting for it, then why would we fight for it type of mentality. Mm-hmm. , when in reality, , we, the female military spouses who are adequately represented in this space have to be the ones to fight for change in this area and to make sure that all voices are accepted and all voices are, desired.
[00:58:30] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Not just accepted, but like we want, we want to hear them. that's on, that's on us to do some of that, that shifting and, and yeah, the military has a lot of shifting to do in that area as well. And just like you said, yeah, branch to branch, unit to unit within branch to branch within, like you. Conus assignments, OCONUS assignment, like, oh my gosh, there's so many variables that happen.
[00:58:55] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Mm-hmm. , um, But this was, this was actually really [00:59:00] inspiring and it's not a non-answer, just so you know. It's, it's not .
[00:59:04] Chris Molina: Sure. No, I still feel bad going into it. And so, sorry, I think we got an extra answer out of me misinterpreting the question, but, oh, we did. Sorry about that. We did . No,
[00:59:14] no,
[00:59:14] Jayla Rae Ardelean: no. I loved it. I loved it.
[00:59:16] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I was like, oh, he really, he really thought I wanted to critique on like. I don't even know how to sum that up, but I was like, yeah, he thought I wanted a critique. That's awesome. .
[00:59:29] Chris Molina: Yeah. Critique on women's service members and their male husband counterparts. Like, I thought this is what you asked. I was like, man, that's a.
[00:59:36] Chris Molina: She just asked that question.
[00:59:38] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Just going for the, going for the jugular . Wow. . Alright. So please let everybody know where they can keep up with you online, uh, cuz I know they're gonna want to, and what, I know you mentioned you are filming a documentary, but if there are any, any other projects on the horizon that you wanna keep people apprised of, please feel [01:00:00] free.
[01:00:00] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. To self-promote.
[01:00:02] Chris Molina: Oh, yeah, yeah. No, thank you for the permission because I, I hate that part of being an entrepreneur. It feels icky, like I'm a car salesman. Not, not that car salesman are bad. You could, they're a good car salesman out there. But, uh, so ,
[01:00:16] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I, I empathize. Sorry, I didn't mean to, I wasn't trying to No, no.
[01:00:19] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Go, go again, go, go. I think the more we say self-promote, self-promote, self promote, self-promote, and people are doing it with, , oh, I hate to use this term, but I can't think of anything else right now. Like a more heart-centered approach. When we do it, it's gonna topple that, you know, negative car salesman image that we have when we do it.
[01:00:41] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Sure. So, sure. Self promote away.
[01:00:44] Chris Molina: Chris , I'm slowly getting there. So the, the place where I post most of my things is gonna be on Instagram that is at Sergeant Molina. So at S G T m o l i n a. you can find most of my stuff there. You can also find me on LinkedIn if you are [01:01:00] professional or if you're, you wanna be a professional or whatever.
[01:01:04] Chris Molina: You can find me on LinkedIn. I think LinkedIn is widely underutilized. Uh, so I would always recommend jumping on LinkedIn and code switching film. Yeah, I have a code switching film that we're working on, uh, right now. There's about 28 days, and then we're gonna have the trailer. . So we're gonna have the trailer done by then.
[01:01:24] Chris Molina: I'm super excited about it. And then my work is gonna start because then I get to start sh uh, showing it around, shopping it around, all this other stuff, all the business stuff. Um, I'm really excited about it. So we do have an Instagram handle, and that is at code switching film underscore, and that is, That is, that is all the stuff that I have going on.
[01:01:46] Chris Molina: If you ever need, if you ever need a, a speaker that talks about code switching or leadership or, one thing that I do, another session that I have that is, uh, probably [01:02:00] near and dear to the heart of people in this audience is I teach civilians that have no connection to the military how to communicate with people in the military or military connected people, because that's another thing too. There are a lot, there are many, um, husbands, wives, sons, daughters of military members or of veterans that are very proud of being military connected. And um, that's very, it is very rare that it's identified or acknowledged. And, um, I want to give civilians the tools that they, it seems like they.
[01:02:39] Chris Molina: they want to know how to communicate better with service members so that those service members feel. , thanked because that's the thing that all, they all start with, thank you for your service. And then they don't know what else to say after that. So I teach them what to say after. Thank you for your service.
[01:02:54] Chris Molina: Um, ever speaker. You're waiting until the
[01:02:56] Jayla Rae Ardelean: end of this interview to drop that. Like we could [01:03:00] have talked about that the entire time. Okay.
[01:03:02] Chris Molina: Anyway, go on. We, that just means we have to, it has to be another zoom. Let's do it session that we can do with the interview on. So no, that's everything. I'm currently, uh, a part of the four College, four Life Speaking Bureau, so you can go to four college four life.com/chris and you can see all of my speaking sessions there and what I offer.
[01:03:24] Chris Molina: Um, I could probably talk for days about all the other things. Those are the main things though. ,
[01:03:29] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I mean, wow. It's a. , uh, bless you. Bless you in your schedule, cuz I don't know. How you're , how you're functioning. but congratulations on functioning and . I'm really, I'm really excited for the documentary and to see, well, more immediately to see the trailer.
[01:03:50] Jayla Rae Ardelean: So, Yay. Yeah. Congrats.
[01:03:53] Chris Molina: Yeah, no, I'm super excited. I'll, I'll definitely keep you in the loop and maybe, um, we can come back and I can talk about [01:04:00] this new world that I'm getting into, which is media and entertainment, because there's also like a lot of places for, for military spouses and military members in the entertainment and media world.
[01:04:12] Chris Molina: There's even an amazing group. Called, veterans in media and entertainment that I just found and that I joined, and I'm gonna be meeting a lot of those people tonight virtually. So, uh, maybe after the trailer's done, I can come back and talk
[01:04:24] about
[01:04:24] Jayla Rae Ardelean: that. 1000 and 1500%. It's not real . It's not a real number.
[01:04:32] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I had started off strong and then Yep, it not a real number. ,
[01:04:38] Chris Molina: you're funny. . Well, thank you so much for having me. I really had a good time. Um, this is not something that I typically get to talk about, so thank you for highlighting it. I appreciate it very. .
[01:04:47] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Oh, absolutely. Uh, we could have talked about it for days more, but, I'll be seeing you
[01:04:53] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Okay. Bye.
[01:04:57] Jayla Rae Ardelean: All right y'all I hope [01:05:00] you enjoyed that conversation with Chris. And I know that y'all are going to want to keep up with him online. And as always, please take a moment to rate and review this podcast. On whatever platform you're listening to so that we can help get it into the hands of those who truly need it. Thanks. Y'all.