Making Milspouse Life Work for Her with Brittany Zimmerman
Welcome back to another installment of the Late Career Milspouse series! This week I have the pleasure of speaking with the amazing interior designer and business owner, Brittany Zimmerman!
Brittany is the owner of Bleu Bee Designs - a boutique residential interior decorating company. Bleu Bee Designs offers in-person and virtual design services across the United States, making it perfect for the ever-changing Milspouse life!
Brittany is a half-glass-full kind of person as you will hear on this week’s episode. And while she never planned on marrying a military man, she has made it her mission to make it all work and support the man she loves. And she does make it work! This Enneagram 6 fostered a community everywhere she goes and has even been able to attract clients in the midst of every move.
Listen to Brittany’s episode to hear how she maintains her sunshiny disposition as a Milspouse.
If you liked this episode and you’d like to hear more, please take a moment to leave a sparkly review and subscribe to The Heart of a Milspouse Podcast. Subscriptions and positive reviews make a huge difference for podcasters and it would help us out immensely. Thanks!
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Bleu Bee Designs is a boutique residential interior decorating run by Brittany Zimmerman. Bleu Bee Designs offers in-person and virtual design services across the United States. Bleu Bee Designs also runs an online retail storefront “Curated by Brittany”, which sells new, vintage, and antique home décor and furnishings.
Find Brittany in all the places:
Website: http://www.bleubeedesigns.me
Instagram: @bleubeedesigns_
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The Heart of a Milspouse Podcast is hosted by Jayla Rae Ardelean, Milspouse Mentor, Speaker, and Writer.
Grab your ♥️free♥️ resources here: jaylarae.com
Let's chat! @mil.spouse
TRANSCRIPT: Brittany Zimmerman Transcript
[00:00:00] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Hey everybody. Welcome back to the Hard A Mill Spouse Podcast. We are continuing the late Career Mill Spouse series today, and I'm joined by another guest. Brittany is here. Hi Brittany. Would you like to introduce yourself?
[00:00:12] Brittany Zimmerman: Hi Jayla. Thanks so much for having me. I'm Brittany Zimmerman. I'm an interior designer.
[00:00:20] Brittany Zimmerman: I own my own boutique firm that we take all around the country. I've been a military spouse for the last two and a half years, and our current duty station is n a s WBE Island out in Washington.
[00:00:34] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yay. Well, I'm so glad you're here. Thanks for popping on with me. first and foremost, we're gonna talk about the engram today, and I need to get that out in the open at the very top of this conversation.
[00:00:48] Jayla Rae Ardelean: because anytime somebody wants to come on the podcast or I choose somebody to come on the podcast, I usually like toss in casually. Hey, do you know anything about the any gram ? [00:01:00] Because as a coach myself, I would love to bring this to the podcast more often and to my delight. Brittany was like, I do. I was like, yes, yes.
[00:01:12] Jayla Rae Ardelean: So we're gonna chat about that, but first, I would love to hear about how you and your husband met and where you were both at in your life when you met as well in terms of career, TRA trajectory, personal trajectory, that kind of thing.
[00:01:27] Brittany Zimmerman: Perfect. so my husband and I met, in Jacksonville, Florida. He, was his first and only duty station for about nine years after flight school.
[00:01:38] Brittany Zimmerman: so he was very established there. Had been in for seven years and I had been there for 12 years, completely unrelated to anything military life. just, you know, happily doing my own thing. and we actually met through a mutual friend at church. so that was, , you know, we, I knew the friend through [00:02:00] church and she knew him through work.
[00:02:01] Brittany Zimmerman: And so, we went out on a blind date and we got ice cream and, we both left that ice cream date, which, you know, this came out later, but we both let that left that ice cream date saying this was it. This is, this is forever for us. so we just feel like it was a very special, you know, very special time for us to have met.
[00:02:21] Jayla Rae Ardelean: That's so cute. I also just love that it was so innocent. It was ice cream. It, it was, it was like So steaks not dinner. Yes, not coffee.
[00:02:34] Brittany Zimmerman: Yes, it was. And he, he will still tease me to this day. I showed up 15 minutes late and, you know, as a service member, he's very timely. you know, so I came strolling up and it was just, we like to joke.
[00:02:46] Brittany Zimmerman: I said, well, I was just preparing. You know,
[00:02:49] Jayla Rae Ardelean: for what it's gonna be like, Exactly. Exactly. Oh my gosh. I love that. so he had been [00:03:00] in for about seven years before y'all met, is that right?
[00:03:04] Brittany Zimmerman: Yes. Yes. And he, had his site set on retiring at 20, which is still the plan. and so I thought, well, I could do 13 years of military life.
[00:03:15] Brittany Zimmerman: Sure, Sure.
[00:03:18] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Why not? Wasn't expecting it for sure. I know
[00:03:21] Brittany Zimmerman: no, definitely was not expecting it. to be honest, I had purposely never dated anyone in the military. because I'm very independent and I don't like to be told what to do. Yeah. you can say that here. Part of my, that's ok. . , this part of my, it's who I am.
[00:03:36] Brittany Zimmerman: so really to just go out on a limb and start dating somebody who, like, I knew this was gonna be a real thing. it, it was a big move for me. So I thought, whatever, 13 years, I knew I wanted to start my own business anyways. Really after, you know, nine years in the same city, I thought, well, chances are pretty good.
[00:03:56] Brittany Zimmerman: We're not going anywhere, so that's totally fine with me as well. Joke was on [00:04:00] me, but yeah, I was just very, very set in my life and my routine there, and I thought, well, 13 years isn't bad. Here we are. We've got nine years. We've got nine years left. This May.
[00:04:15] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Are you counting down? Brittany?
[00:04:18] Brittany Zimmerman: I, I am.
[00:04:19] Brittany Zimmerman: We have our retirement home picked out city, everything. Oh wow. So, Wow. So yeah, we're just inching toward that goal.
[00:04:27] Jayla Rae Ardelean: You guys are such planners, my goodness. I'm very impressed.
[00:04:31] Brittany Zimmerman: Well, I'm the planner. Ah,
[00:04:33] Jayla Rae Ardelean: okay. You're insisting upon it. You're insisting.
[00:04:35] Brittany Zimmerman: We'll get into the Enneagrams later, but yes, I'm a planner by Nature
[00:04:41] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Awesome. so in terms of, you know, this label that I've created, I guess you can call it like a label. I like to think of it as an identifier because I. When I first entered military life, I was surrounded by a bunch of seasoned spouses, which is like another identifier [00:05:00] and mm-hmm. , but I also wasn't, you know, I wasn't like 18 or 19 and enter military life at the same point.
[00:05:09] Jayla Rae Ardelean: that he was, I mean, he had already been in for 10 years, so mm-hmm. , this whole like notion of becoming a late-career mill spouse and this learning curve that exists, and feeling like. You know, you're playing catch up. I don't know if you can relate to that. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And it, it's kinda never-ending.
[00:05:30] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Like, I don't know that that really ever goes away. So have fun with that. But I would love to know what are some of the particular challenges that you've experienced, as a late-career male spouse then, you know, other than just the obvious of not understanding all the acronyms and feeling like you're playing catch up
[00:05:50] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah, so, so when we met in 2019, he was in an instructor squadron, so there was not a whole lot of family, you know, family life [00:06:00] involvement in the squadron. following that obviously was the pandemic. There were no social events, nothing. So I started off being a male spouse. , like in basically isolation.
[00:06:11] Brittany Zimmerman: so thankfully there were some good friends of ours, that my husband's in, was in the same squadron with, and his wife thankfully is older as well. and so she and I kind of connected as far as like. You know, okay. We're not the old ladies, but we again, weren't really around any of the other officer's wives to know that we were a good 10 years older than them.
[00:06:33] Brittany Zimmerman: fast forward to, you know, where we're stationed in wbe. my first opportunity to be in an officer spouse's club, now that life has resumed to normal, and I'm the social chair on the OSC board. and I was just shocked when these women, I was suggesting things for the event, you know, in an auction that we're doing and, and they're like, oh, that's a great idea.
[00:06:55] Brittany Zimmerman: Oh, I never thought about that. And it wasn't until my husband said, Brittany, [00:07:00] you have to realize you're probably seven to 10 years older than all of these other like j o wives. That's why they, like, they're gonna look up to you. And I thought, oh, no, not me.
[00:07:11] Jayla Rae Ardelean: What ,
[00:07:12] Brittany Zimmerman: no, not me. I've only been at this for two and a half years.
[00:07:16] Brittany Zimmerman: you know, so they may have the length of time with that title, but I have more life experience. And I think that's where the identifier, you know, seasoned late career, all of that comes into play is that There's, there's a sense of independence and empowerment, I think, that I have being a late thirties male spouse, versus somebody who's younger than me who maybe, you know, married their high school sweetheart or got into this life at 20 21, 22, you know, they're, they're seasoned as far as the military life goes, but I'm seasoned.
[00:07:55] Brittany Zimmerman: Real life. yeah, I think, I think that's also helped me to weather. [00:08:00] the changes. Oh my God. Don't we love the changes? the last-minute plans that are canceled, like, absolutely not. We
[00:08:07] Jayla Rae Ardelean: do not , ,
[00:08:09] Brittany Zimmerman: you know, it's just, it's helped me to just roll with the punches a little bit better because mm-hmm. , my friend's group isn't only the military.
[00:08:18] Brittany Zimmerman: My work life isn't about the military. you know, I'm kind of my own girl here.
[00:08:25] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. I love that because, first of all, you've described what I've previously described as a problem in that our sense of independence, can cause issues, but you just put a lovely spin on all of that. You were like, no, this is why it's great.
[00:08:42] Jayla Rae Ardelean: This is why it's, it's awesome to have. , you know, lived so much life and to have that life experience before entering military life, because then you can bring that all into this new perspective that you're adopting, right? Mm-hmm. And you know, like you said, it, it does help you kind of [00:09:00] roll with the punches a bit easier.
[00:09:01] Jayla Rae Ardelean: mm-hmm. . But,
[00:09:05] Brittany Zimmerman: what? There's always a but.
[00:09:07] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. There's, there's always a butt. There's always the light and there's always the dark. Mm-hmm. . in terms of entrepreneurship specifically, have you experienced any challenges in that area? In, you know, marrying somebody in the military, falling in love with someone in the military, and knowing that a lot of your, life circumstances are now dictated by an outside entity, and it's not just about where you live and where you go to next, but there's a certain amount of.
[00:09:39] Jayla Rae Ardelean: of time freedom that is no longer available to you. Mm-hmm. as well, especially depending on how demanding his role is. so what's
[00:09:46] Brittany Zimmerman: going on in this area? okay. So I'll start by saying I was in, I was in education prior to, so, you know, initially thinking, well, I'll have to just get re-certified in whatever state we move.
[00:09:58] Brittany Zimmerman: No big deal. [00:10:00] annoying. Yes. A big deal. No. but then, you know, after dating for two years and seeing how I spent every waking moment of my free time educating myself and taking courses and design, you know, my husband said to me in, I guess it was about April of 2020 when school shut down. he says, why don't you take this full?
[00:10:23] Brittany Zimmerman: He goes, you can do it from anywhere. Anywhere we live. I'm sure people will work with you virtually. little did we know how big that was going to be. so I hate to be like Susie's Sunshine, but honestly, like owning a business while being a late-career military spouse has actually been really fun. I've been able to work and connect with other male spouse entrepreneurs.
[00:10:46] Brittany Zimmerman: We've, you know, we talk about how to manage a PCs and a business, how to establish a new client base where you're only there for two years. but then, you know, like you said, there's the day-to-day. What does that look like to support the [00:11:00] service member? And obviously, we know that being able to support them is, is critical to the success of the mission really.
[00:11:07] Brittany Zimmerman: So. The beauty is in that, you know, I can take a week off of work before he goes on deployment and I can tell all my clients, Hey, I'm a military spouse. I'm checking out for a week. You know, I'll be, I'll be back with you, and then I'll become a workaholic for six months. , you know, when he would have to go on on short, sudden, you know, detachments and trips, I could stop and pivot to support him 100%.
[00:11:36] Brittany Zimmerman: and then turn my attention back on my business. So really the freedom of being able to support him as well as running a business. It's been a really beautiful back and forth for me.
[00:11:48] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I love that. And of course you're welcome to share what you called a Suzy Sunshine perspective. I love that. Well, I
[00:11:57] Brittany Zimmerman: really feel like so many people have [00:12:00] like this negative connotation of being a military wife and it's all consuming and you have to, you know, do what you're told and abide by this and that.
[00:12:09] Brittany Zimmerman: And yes, there are certain, you know, things that are standard protocols and behaviors. , when it comes down to it, it's all what you make of it. and so for me, I'm choosing to bloom where I'm planted like a little military child. you know, so if I can make the best of it, why wouldn't I?
[00:12:27] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. And it sounds like you are, , it sounds like the time freedom that he might not experience.
[00:12:35] Jayla Rae Ardelean: As a service member, like you are creating that for yourself as an entrepreneur. Absolutely. Which is, you know, one of it's one of the classic reasons why people start businesses of their own anyway, is because they want that time freedom. Mm-hmm. They want to be able to say, you know, if they work virtually, for example, like I, I shut down my laptop and that means that I'm.
[00:12:57] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I'm not working anymore. I'm going to pick up my kids. I [00:13:00] am going on a mental health day adventure. I'm going on a hike in the middle of the day. Exactly what, you know, whatever it is. Or, I know this deadline is coming up and I will meet it, but I don't have to be clocked in right now. Mm-hmm. Exactly.
[00:13:16] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And thank you for reminding me of that again. I. I do love the time freedom aspect of entrepreneurship. and sometimes I feel like that can turn into a double-edged sword a little bit, and I think you said it too. Mm-hmm. , because you'll become a workaholic for six months Absolutely. While he's gone, which is not, you know, do we need to become workaholics?
[00:13:39] Jayla Rae Ardelean: No, but we're also just like trying to take advantage of. the time by ourselves and the Exactly. You know, and I went through the same thing when, my husband was just deployed and it, it reached some heights. It probably didn't need to. but at the same time I got a lot done. . [00:14:00]
[00:14:00] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah. And, and I will, Yeah, coming at the end of the year, and having, I do a big master planning session going into the next year.
[00:14:10] Brittany Zimmerman: It's been really nice to not feel guilty for spending, you know, eight and 10 hours a day, some days, five or six days a week if I'm feeling inspired to go ahead and keep planning for the year. Yeah. so yes, not that we have to be workaholics. I've also taken up ballet and Pilates in a modern dance class.
[00:14:28] Brittany Zimmerman: But, you know, it is, it's just having an identity outside of your label as a, as a late-career male spouse. And, you know, just pouring into that.
[00:14:37] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. Oh, I love that. I love that you're taking so many different types of dance classes too.
[00:14:43] Brittany Zimmerman: Variety. I'm an old dancer. It's, it's not pretty, but it, it's, it's happy
[00:14:50] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I'm sure it's gorgeous. I am sure it's gorgeous. so even just like using this, this terminology, late-career mill spouse, I, I'd love to know how you see this [00:15:00] helping other military spouses in this category. I know in the beginning of this conversation you talked about that really stark contrast between you and the other spouses.
[00:15:09] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Once you, once you join that group and. , one of them was age. Mm-hmm. . and that being like a big difference. but how do you see, how do you see this helping others?
[00:15:22] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah. I think, you know, first and foremost, use it as a strength. use this as your leg up in the military spouse world. you know, your service member has probably served many years prior to your arrival.
[00:15:34] Brittany Zimmerman: He's figured out, he or she has figured out how to balance, you know, personal life, professional life. Take the time to pour into your own passions. again, try not to let the nuances of military life affect how you run your business. and especially don't let it sway you from believing that what you were called to do or create, like can't be done.
[00:15:55] Brittany Zimmerman: I think that's huge. One of my, and just a shameless plug for spousely, but one of my [00:16:00] favorite female entrepreneurs is, Monica over at Spousely. She's, I mean, she's a mom. She's got twins, her husband's in the Air Force, like, and she left this as a CEO of a giant company to start something that she truly believed in.
[00:16:14] Brittany Zimmerman: So, you know, don't, you know, don't let this lifestyle, this label, keep you from pursuing those dreams and then, like I said, again, sometimes you're gonna be the oldest in the club and just take those experiences that you've had both professionally and just in life, and mentor the younger women that are around you.
[00:16:35] Brittany Zimmerman: I think you can really give them the opportunity. To look at their life and the many years that they have ahead because they're so much younger than us. you know, but really give them a, a sense of purpose in what they're doing. so yeah, I think that's just, you know, I'm big on mentoring, so I think if you can bring somebody else under your wings, that's really probably one of the most beneficial things you can do as a late-career male.[00:17:00]
[00:17:01] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah.
[00:17:01] Jayla Rae Ardelean: It's funny that you say that. I, I can't remember who it was that I was talking to, but I was joking that, especially for a late-career mill spouse, like watch out. Cuz if you start your own business you might find that you've. You tried to support the very like cause and mission that you were missing when you first entered the military.
[00:17:22] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yes, and exactly. I know. It just, it, it, I think it's a natural progression of mentorship if that is an area that you're interested in. And we, we both are so it makes sense. Mm-hmm. but I was joking, you know, with another spouse, like, just watch out. You might your business might start edited in a different direction you weren't expecting, and then suddenly you're like fully immersed in this lifestyle that you never even asked for to begin with.
[00:17:48] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. And you never thought that you would have or be a part of it.
[00:17:51] Brittany Zimmerman: Right. Right. And even to that effect I've got, I love as a, as a six, I'll just plug as a six. I am a collaborator of [00:18:00] people. I love nothing more than creating a community. And it happened very slowly and organically, but I have a think tank of male spouses who are creative entrepreneurs.
[00:18:10] Brittany Zimmerman: We all surf the same audience, but in different ways. And, I say in different ways, not really. we're all interior design. and, and we feel like, you know, there's enough work out there for everybody. So why don't we bring everything that we've each experienced and again, mentor each other, and coach each other?
[00:18:28] Brittany Zimmerman: you know, because interior design is not an industry that's been historically very open, it's been very tightlipped. My secrets are my hard work. and I wanna change that. And that is changing as an industry. But I love that I have actually connected with other, other, you know, military spouses who it's like, Hey guys, let's get together.
[00:18:48] Brittany Zimmerman: Let's do this. And we meet once a month and it's just amazing to me that this has been like, you know, given to me, you know, just to, to combine everything that I do. It's kind of crazy.
[00:18:58] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah, well cuz [00:19:00] it's, you know, it's, it's talking to other. entrepreneurs, which is already fantastic because like there's a mm-hmm.
[00:19:06] Jayla Rae Ardelean: there's a language associated with that. But then on top of it, you have a lifestyle thing in common right? As well with military life, which has its own language set as we know, mm-hmm. And so I, I totally, I love that you have your group and I love that it is collaboration amongst. , you know, technically they're your competitors, but you guys don't
[00:19:29] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. Seem
[00:19:30] Brittany Zimmerman: there's enough. There is enough ugly houses and disorganized homes that I can get professional organizers and designers together and we will not be competing against each other.
[00:19:40] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. Yeah. I love that mindset cuz I, I've sometimes struggled with feeling like the military spouse world, in terms of who decides to go into business for themselves can start to feel.
[00:19:53] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Small and really crowded. cuz we're really not a large subset of the population already. [00:20:00] No, we're not.
[00:20:01] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah.
[00:20:02] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And then when you get online on Instagram for example, specifically, there's so many people, there's so many people that are doing. a version of what you're doing and they might market themselves slightly differently.
[00:20:15] Jayla Rae Ardelean: and you know, maybe you don't find this as an interior designer, but speaking as like a coach, for example, everybody and their mom is a coach like, that's what it starts to feel like. I do feel that way. Yeah. And that's what Instagram starts to feel like. But then when you like boil it down to this subset of military spouses, I don't know.
[00:20:35] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Sometimes I've just felt kind of, crowded. So it's, it's really great to hear someone come on and say that like, it, you've turned it into something else. It's become a collaboration instead of a
[00:20:47] Brittany Zimmerman: crowding. Yeah. And it, it absolutely can be. It's, it's all what you make it again.
[00:20:52] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. Thank you for the reminder.
[00:20:55] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I always need that one. Okay, so in terms of, [00:21:00] the Enneagram and being a six mm-hmm. and being the planner that you are, but also this deep desire to feel prepared, and not appreciating when you don't feel prepared for something like that. Mm-hmm. can activate a six. I am just so curious because you have just given me the.
[00:21:27] Jayla Rae Ardelean: it's all what you make it type of perspective. And to be quite frank as someone who places so much emphasis on feeling safe, secure, connected, and prepared, and knowing that there are so many unpredictable factors to military life. I'm surprised that you said that. Like does that.
[00:21:51] Brittany Zimmerman: No, I'm a total oxymoron.
[00:21:53] Brittany Zimmerman: You're right. it feel well,
[00:21:56] Jayla Rae Ardelean: you know, humans are complicated. I, I wanna talk to an oxymoron. Yeah. but I [00:22:00] kind of wasn't, I guess I kind of wasn't expecting that. I was, I guess I was kind of expecting the fixation on how. Things don't go according to plan. So often and, yeah. And you've already talked about how you love planning, so I, I guess I'd kind of love to know how do you, I guess, how do you like grapple with military life knowing that that's such a big portion of your personality type and not allow that to like trigger and
[00:22:35] Brittany Zimmerman: activate you?
[00:22:35] Brittany Zimmerman: be a business owner, your mind will be consumed with other things. ,
[00:22:40] Jayla Rae Ardelean: there's always something to be consumed about.
[00:22:43] Brittany Zimmerman: Yes. No, to be very honest, I will say so for our first move, we knew 16 months in advance. We had hard orders six months, months in advance. I know I shouldn't even say that because that's just kind of unheard of.
[00:22:57] Brittany Zimmerman: so I have had a long [00:23:00] time to prepare in this situation. Mm-hmm. . and to be completely transparent, of course I cried. I don't wanna move from sunny Florida to the Pacific Northwest. I mean, Ew. You know, it's sad there. , I came around to it. I had a lot of time to adjust to the idea. I was able to start deciding that I wanted to do fun things out there and kind of create a bucket list.
[00:23:24] Brittany Zimmerman: so yeah, and, and all that to say, my husband does still love to remind me, Hey, Brittany, we may only have three months notice when we, when we move from wi. to our next duty station. Mm-hmm. And to that I say, okay, well I've got spreadsheets of all of our itemized high-value items. I know what goes in what box, and we just hit repeat and we let the packers take our belongings and we go and, and when I get there, I hit the ground running.
[00:23:57] Brittany Zimmerman: You know, even before this move, I hit the [00:24:00] ground running with getting marketing set up out there, connecting on Alignable with other small businesses, figuring out how can I quickly reverse engineer my client process of getting clients so that I'm not wasting time. So maybe we should, we should revisit this when I've had three months to prepare
[00:24:18] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I'm so glad that you said that. Cause I was about to, I was like, I'm gonna ask her this again when the rug feels like it's being pulled out. No, seriously.
[00:24:26] Brittany Zimmerman: Please do. But I think honestly, again, a lot of it is, it's your perspective, it's your mindset. And I have things that I can control. I can control how I respond to.
[00:24:38] Brittany Zimmerman: and I try to focus on that. I focus on helping my husband be successful at work by the way that I provide while he's at home. the things I do to help him prepare, you really just have to focus on what you can, you know, if you're a six, you have to focus on what you can plan and count on and [00:25:00] prepare for.
[00:25:00] Brittany Zimmerman: You know, and just
[00:25:01] Jayla Rae Ardelean: versus all of the scenarios and the, yeah,
[00:25:06] Brittany Zimmerman: I
[00:25:06] Jayla Rae Ardelean: mean, I could have escalating to worst
[00:25:07] Brittany Zimmerman: case I do. I have plans. Yeah, I have plans A through Z I can, worst case scenario myself, like the best of 'em. Mm-hmm. . but you know, it's where you put your energy I think is, is where your happiness is gonna go.
[00:25:20] Brittany Zimmerman: yeah. So, I don't know, let's, let's recircle for, about fall December of 2024. Okay. Jayla,
[00:25:28] Jayla Rae Ardelean: part two. Part two. , part two. She
[00:25:32] Brittany Zimmerman: has lost her marbles.
[00:25:34] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I would welcome it. I would welcome that conversation.
[00:25:37] Brittany Zimmerman: well, and I think. I think that's something to look into as well for myself. You know, start thinking about it now.
[00:25:42] Brittany Zimmerman: How are you gonna handle it?
[00:25:47] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah. Plan, plan,
[00:25:48] Jayla Rae Ardelean: plan, plan. well, and I, because you told me, I know that your husband is a one and first of all, what, what a pairing with a six and a one. and [00:26:00] in terms of. your marriage, like mm-hmm. Cause I know that you were both meeting each other already being, and feeling established in your careers.
[00:26:13] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Mm-hmm. . And you spoke a lot about being independent people and you know, you're still maintaining your independence while in the marriage. I'm curious, like when the Enneagram kind of entered the conversation within your marriage and how you've utilized it as a tool.
[00:26:31] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah. so I think, you know, everything's great when you're in your first year of marriage.
[00:26:38] Brittany Zimmerman: at least I would like to think so. Maybe it's not. But for us, that was the case. And it wasn't until we hit some bumps just with life in general, that we kind of had to dig a little bit deeper. Mm-hmm. into what, you know, what was triggering. Us to respond to each other in certain ways or what [00:27:00] wasn't being discussed because it quite frankly wasn't the, wasn't the way that the other person would like to communicate.
[00:27:09] Brittany Zimmerman: Mm-hmm. . so I think for us, it really, I did a bible study that was Enneagram based, and it just talked about like, you know, use this to connect and understand each other even on a level that you may not yet understand. Yeah. And so I think that really gave me insight on him, the way he wants to be loved and respected and you know, what hurts him and what encourages him even on a level that he wasn't necessarily aware of.
[00:27:39] Brittany Zimmerman: yeah. And the thing for me, yeah,
[00:27:41] Jayla Rae Ardelean: so much of it is subconscious until we actually bring it to the surface and.. I mean, that's not to like nerd out or anything, but that's one of my favorite things about this framework is that it's. , you wonder why you keep doing things over and over again [00:28:00] and why things feel like a pattern.
[00:28:01] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And then when you also evaluate that mm-hmm. in your relationships and you wonder why is this a continual pattern, positive or negative, really. It doesn't just have to be the negative patterns, mm-hmm. and, you know, why, why, how, why do I get validation in this way? You know, that's, that's a positive angle, but it's not.
[00:28:18] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Producing like the long-term benefits and results that we actually hope for. right. But that's, that's one of my favorite things about this system, in general, is that once you see it, you can't unsee it.
[00:28:31] Brittany Zimmerman: And Exactly. Yeah. And once the other
[00:28:33] Jayla Rae Ardelean: person recognizes like, oh, that has to do with my personality, that has to do mm-hmm.
[00:28:40] Jayla Rae Ardelean: with a set of defense mechanisms that I have. Wired in here. yes. It brings the conversation to a deeper level really quickly. Mm-hmm. ,
[00:28:53] Brittany Zimmerman: It really does. And, and I will say as a military spouse, being able to know like how to [00:29:00] love that person. Mm-hmm. based on their Enneagram type or encourage when they're deployed is huge.
[00:29:06] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah. at least for a one it's really easy. It's a lot of like, okay, remind him that he's worthy, mm-hmm. , you know, be gentle in criticizing him. you know, alleviate pressure from, from the things that they feel like they have to do and take some of it onto your to-do list, like, I found really understanding our Enneagram types during a deployment has been probably the most graceful way that we can sail through a deployment, quite honestly.
[00:29:33] Jayla Rae Ardelean: yeah, well cuz it's, it's a, I think some people don't, they get a little turned off because there is a lexicon, to the system. Mm-hmm. And if you don't know the lexicon, you can feel, but once you like get over that part and you learn the terms mm-hmm. and the terminology and what it's referring to, that's where the learning about the other person knowing that you have all of those things [00:30:00] too.
[00:30:00] Jayla Rae Ardelean: It neutralizes it, it can, it can def diffuse a, a conversation or an argument or something that's heated just knowing like, oh, this is what I'm doing, but this is what you actually. and how do we
[00:30:15] Brittany Zimmerman: Yes, absolutely. How are we communicating that? Right.
[00:30:20] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Right, and I, you know, I don't wanna give myself too much credit because full, like, full disclosure, I just had like a full-on <LAUGH> type four breakdown the other day,
[00:30:32] Jayla Rae Ardelean: So I am not, I'm by no means saying that you can catch yourself every time, but mm-hmm. Once you've caught yourself like in the act, so to speak, and you've caught yourself repeating a pattern that you know is not beneficial to you, and you know that it's not beneficial to your partner, mm-hmm. , and it's happened again.
[00:30:52] Jayla Rae Ardelean: It, it's, you know, that first step is recognizing it for what it is, but then doing that self-reflection [00:31:00] on the, on the other end and saying, mm-hmm. Okay, well, what got me to that place? What were the triggers? What really activated me? And how can I, repair maybe the harm that was done in this case, and also mm-hmm.
[00:31:13] Jayla Rae Ardelean: be mindful of that going forward. Yeah. And yeah, deployment is just rife. with all of that with, with so many,
[00:31:24] Brittany Zimmerman: there's plenty of
[00:31:24] Jayla Rae Ardelean: opportunities for that. Right, right. Like there's so many opportunities to miss each other in communication, literally, but also just emotionally and just not meeting each other where you're really at, you know, not having.
[00:31:38] Jayla Rae Ardelean: each other, like physically, like losing body language, to read mm-hmm. , you know, through one another. Like, I, I'm probably preaching to the choir, but, I'm so glad you brought it up in terms of deployment specifically because mm-hmm. , it gives us that built-in lexicon and language to talk to each other in, in another [00:32:00] way, I guess.
[00:32:01] Brittany Zimmerman: Exactly. Yeah. Absolutely.
[00:32:05] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Ah, well, I loved, hearing a little bit more about how you've been utilizing that in your marriage. but it sounds like you're also like asking prospective clients and other entrepreneurs like, Hey, what's your type? Like, this is my type, this is what I value. What do you value?
[00:32:23] Jayla Rae Ardelean: as kinda like an icebreaker.
[00:32:26] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah. It's been, a bit of an icebreaker and also I think a way to kind of, you know, you wanna establish that, that no, like, and trust factor with people. And, for me, it's been a way to very easily put out there, especially when the Enneagram became like the thing to study and know mm-hmm.
[00:32:44] Brittany Zimmerman: you know, that like, okay, well here, here I am, I am by nature, highly prepared. Organized. I naturally think through all the scenarios and problem-solve. you know, and so they kind of go into it going, you know, if they have a clue what the Enneagram is going, oh, oh, [00:33:00] okay, yeah, this, this does work. you know, and she, she does have a natural knack for these sorts of things.
[00:33:06] Brittany Zimmerman: So but yeah, so I think, you know, whether or not people are into the Enneagram or not, it at least gives them a sense of like confidence and, okay. She knows who she is and she can, you know, she's in this business to play to her strengths basically.
[00:33:20] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah.
[00:33:21] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And I love that it's like, it's framed as, you know, strengths. Like these are just natural strengths that I carry and I'm using one personality framework to convey that to you. and I, but I will say on the other end of that, that also creates opportunities for stereotyping and depending on yes, what they know about the Enneagram.
[00:33:40] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Like if they've just been reading memes on Instagram, they may not. They may not, interpret that information as deeply as you want it to be.
[00:33:51] Jayla Rae Ardelean: well, Brittany, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. where can people find you online if they want to [00:34:00] reach out and connect?
[00:34:02] Brittany Zimmerman: Yeah, so I'm, very active on Instagram. our Instagram handle is Bleu Bee Designs with an underscore, and that's, B L E U because it's French.
[00:34:13] Brittany Zimmerman: B E E Designs underscore, our website is Bleu Bee Designs.com and I'm active in plenty of military spouse, entrepreneur, Facebook groups as well. So, would love to connect.
[00:34:28] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yay. Thank you so much again and we will be seeing ya on the Late Career Male Spouse series.