Shedding Biases as a Late Career Milso
Shedding Biases as a Late Career Milso
Join me for an open + honest conversation with Samantha about what it means to shed our biases about the military, after having begun relationships with service members later in our lives. We bond over our challenged relationships with the military through the lens of punk rock, being millennials, and share our complicated thoughts about the Iraq War and the War in Afghanistan.
As a Late Career Milso and nomadic copywriter, Samantha's story about entering military life is one you don't want to miss! This is Episode #2 of The Heart of a Milspouse Podcast series highlighting Late Career Milspouse/Milso stories + experiences ❤️
Questions we cover:
How did you meet your service member?
How has your nomadic lifestyle impacted your relationship?
What were your perceptions of the military before you met him, and what biases are you working to let go of?
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Samantha Burmeister is on a mission to provide high-converting copy to service-based businesses so they can sell more, and therefore drive a greater impact in their industry.
Find her on social:
@nomad.copy
@thefunnelweek
Learn more:
www.nomadcopyagency.com
Snag her FREE copy audit:
https://www.nomadcopyagency.com/audit-opt-in
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The Heart of a Milspouse Podcast is hosted by Jayla Rae Ardelean, Late Career Milspouse Mentor.
Let's chat! @mil.spouse
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Because I want to keep producing episodes for you, consider supporting the podcast below ❤️
TRANSCRIPT: Shedding Biases as a Late Career Milso With Samantha Burmeister
[00:00:00] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Hey everyone. Welcome back to the heart of a mill spouse podcast. Today, I am joined by a very special guest Samantha Burmeister. I would love to have you introduce yourself to everybody.
[00:00:14] Samantha Burmeister: Sure. My name's Samantha. I am a professional copywriter and in the context of this podcast, I am dating a man who's in the air force.
[00:00:23] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yes. And as a part of our late career mill spouse series, in this case, we are speaking to a significant other. And so we wanna get into. the differences between that type of relationship and a marital one, but also the fact that we are in a similar age group. And so we have some thoughts and some feelings.
[00:00:46] Jayla Rae Ardelean: We had so many feelings about the military before meeting our service members. And honestly never saw the fact that we would date anyone in this world coming, [00:01:00] um, , which is kind of a through line with everybody that I've spoken to. But I feel like it's a, it's on a deeper level for us cuz we've, we've been chatting for the past couple years about what that means to us and yeah.
[00:01:13] Jayla Rae Ardelean: So let's dive in. So first tell us how you met your service member. Where in life you were at at the time that you guys met? Yeah.
[00:01:24] Samantha Burmeister: Sure. So, uh, we met in 20. The fateful year um, I, uh, because I'm a copywriter I can live and work wherever I wanna be. So I was full-time Noma before we met my mom was on a government contract in Germany.
[00:01:39] Samantha Burmeister: And when February-ish started to roll in, she encouraged me to come to Germany, uh, because we just didn't know what the future looked like. So I was spending six months at my mom's house, uh, near Ramstein. And once the. Base started to open up. Um, and my [00:02:00] boredom was at like a peak, uh, I downloaded hinge and we, we met on hinge in Germany.
[00:02:07] Samantha Burmeister: He was staged there for six months and I was there for six months and our time overlapped by just under two months, I think.
[00:02:15] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. So this is, this is the fascinating part about your guys' story that I've always like, want everybody to know is the fact that you met him while he was deployed yeah, like that is just so crazy to me, but obviously this was a different, um, a different, a little bit of a different style of deployment than you would typically typically think are what comes to mind.
[00:02:38] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Um, but the fact that y'all met on a dating app, I. We did too. So it's yeah, it's just kinda, yeah.
[00:02:46] Samantha Burmeister: par for the course, for sure. But, um, yeah, I mean, that's where we were physically, but like, I mean, as far as stages of our lives, like he at the time had been in for about 14 years, like you said, he [00:03:00] was on a deployment, which is just different and fascinating.
[00:03:04] Samantha Burmeister: It was, um, Interesting to see that as it played out. And then for myself, like I had a successful business that I was running and, um, was in no mood to, um, I hate the word settle down, but in the mood to settle down like that, as far as being tethered to a place, especially a place that I wasn't necessarily choosing to live, um, So, but yeah, there's, there's a lot of interesting things to unpack there.
[00:03:33] Jayla Rae Ardelean: yeah. And location wise. So I know you said you were in Germany staying with your mom, but where did you actually live at that time? Because eventually y'all moved in together. Oh, spoil alert. Sorry. They lived together. But like where were you? Where were you living at that time? And like, how did this, how did the relationship. I guess progress after the deployment.
[00:03:57] Samantha Burmeister: So pre [00:04:00] Panorama, I was in Morocco. I was planning on visiting my mom and we were gonna go to Italy and then I was gonna maybe try to summer in Italy. And then after that was thinking to move towards the middle east. And then had lots of question marks. I was actually thinking India for the winter.
[00:04:18] Samantha Burmeister: Um, so really my lifestyle was letting me live places for one to three to six months at a time, um, post travel restrictions. Um, I. So in Germany, I was there on a tourist visa. I had three months to be there. I asked for an extension and they gave it to me and he, and I actually met like a week after I got my extension. So, um,
[00:04:43] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Ooh.
[00:04:44] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah, the universe convened in our favor for sure. Um, but then I didn't have a lot of places that I could go and I don't like to be cold. So as my six months in Germany came to an end, I moved to Mexico.
[00:04:59] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. [00:05:00] Okay. And then eventually like y'all live in California together now, so, right.
[00:05:05] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. So he came back to his home base. Um, uh, I would think October of that year, so then I spent the next eight months or so going back and forth actually about a year, going back and forth between Mexico and California and then visiting family in California.
[00:05:24] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. So it's, that part is really interesting to me because you were already leading a very nomadic lifestyle. So this concept of like moving, for example, like moving every few years or relocating, or even like visiting or moving to places that you've never been like, this is all like comfortable, familiar ground, like familiar territory for you.
[00:05:46] Samantha Burmeister: Mm-hmm .
[00:05:46] Jayla Rae Ardelean: But I think the other part that I want people to know in this conversation is that he's like stationary. In California, like he's not really going anywhere.
[00:05:57] Samantha Burmeister: So yeah. Yeah. He's the only [00:06:00] person that I know who has been at the same base, his entire career. And he's at 16 years now. Wow. At the same base. And there's, there's nothing in the work. I mean, of course he's deployed like I think 10 or 11 times. Um, but there's no talk of him not being at the same base for the rest of his career.
[00:06:21] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. Yeah. And so you've sort of been put in this position now, too, where like that has become your home. We're friends. Y'all if you didn't know, hi, I'm just like, , I'm just gonna let everybody know. So clearly I know things, um, but the fact that. California has become your home base, but you still want to live a nomadic lifestyle to a degree.
[00:06:45] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I would love for you to tell everybody how that has impacted your guys' relationship, because it, I mean, can we think of. Military service members as nomadic as well. Like sometimes we can, but in his [00:07:00] case he's not going anywhere like he's deploying, but he's not really going anywhere. So it's already kind of atypical in that way.
[00:07:08] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Um, but how, how has that impacted your guys' relationship to, for you to then, you know, need to pick up and go somewhere for a while?
[00:07:17] Samantha Burmeister: I think it's really beneficial that we met while I was traveling, because there's no surprises. It's not like I was home visiting family and he was there and then wondered, you know, why?
[00:07:28] Samantha Burmeister: Um, we also met while he was deployed. So right off the bat, there was this standard of like, We are not in the same place. Like this is not home. We, this is not what my life is like at home, in his case. And then for me, it was like, well, this is very much what my life is like is bouncing around weekend adventures, working from wherever.
[00:07:49] Samantha Burmeister: Um, but he also, it set the precedent of me being able to tell him, like, I don't do the cold, I have seasonal depression. I [00:08:00] don't want to be where it's cold. Um, And it doesn't necessarily snow where he's at, but it does get dark and cold and dreary for months on end. So I was like, well, I'm staying in Mexico for as much of the winter as I possibly can.
[00:08:15] Samantha Burmeister: And then this year came around and I was like, well, I'm gonna go to South Africa for a few months. And. It certainly has its challenges, but they're challenges by choice. And I think that's something that we have with my lifestyle is that, um, you know, he's been in relationships before, while he was deployed and he can do six months, um, You know, in totally different time zones and whatever.
[00:08:40] Samantha Burmeister: Um, it's a hard choice to make, but it's the compromise that we make between my lifestyle and his, of like, he has to be somewhere, he can't come visit right now. He can't, you know, whether it's the country that I choose to be in or whatever. Um, so it's just like, It's definitely been a challenge for me to maintain what's [00:09:00] important to me and find a way to like, like I said, just kind of compromise between our two lifestyles.
[00:09:07] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. That, and that's what I find so interest interesting about y'all's relationship is that you're even able to do that. And I think you've highlighted something really important is that, um, When you guys are apart, that is by choice. If it's not deployment related, for example. And there's so much within this lifestyle that is, that can feel inflicted upon us of like, this was not our choice.
[00:09:31] Jayla Rae Ardelean: This is just something that we now have to go through. Um, but I mean, yeah, he met you while you were in transit while you're already the nomad that you are. And that's just kind of like woven into. Your lifestyle. Um, so I'm glad to, I'm glad to hear that you guys kind of have like a middle ground when it comes to that stuff.
[00:09:53] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Um, but I am assuming that there are also challenges when it comes to that as well. So I'd love to talk [00:10:00] about those, but before we get to that, what was your awareness level of the military before you met him?
[00:10:08] Samantha Burmeister: Hmm, that's a good question. So I grew up in Davenport, Iowa, which, um, for those in the army might be familiar with the arsenal.
[00:10:16] Samantha Burmeister: Uh, the rock island arsenal is a military base. That's an island in the Mississippi river between Davenport and rock island, Illinois. So, um, I grew up with a couple of perceptions. First of all, it didn't come from a military family. So there was the, if you're out at bars, when you're in college or whatever, Avoid them. They'll love you and leave. You was one of the things like we stay away from, there's a couple grad schools in town and there's the base. And it's like the list of boys that you stay away from is like army guys, grad school guys.
[00:10:53] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Wow
[00:10:54] Samantha Burmeister: that's just kind of what it is, but also it's a lot of the, um, officers come to this base.
[00:10:59] Samantha Burmeister: I [00:11:00] don't really know much about what goes on there, but, um, so it was also kind of like this elite club and like, they just stayed on base. Sometimes they sent their kids to the private schools off base, but like not a huge perception.
[00:11:13] Samantha Burmeister: The other one was, um, So there, two of my cousins did end up going into the military and it was like a last resort. It was like they either didn't get into college or one of 'em had a situation his freshman year where they took away his funding and financially the only thing that it made sense for him to do was go to the military. So that was my relationship kind of growing up. Um, I was very aware of kind of the, um, I would say issues in the minority community of like the diff several minority communities of the, um, what do they call it?
[00:11:50] Samantha Burmeister: The preschool to prison pipeline and how that's very interwoven with also like going into the military, um, and the financial kind of. [00:12:00] Pushes towards the military in that respect. Um, also growing up, I mean, I'm 30 now. So I was in fourth grade when 9-11 happened. Um, and there was a lot of resistance to that.
[00:12:13] Samantha Burmeister: Um, so I think it was just, I was raised. And then throughout my twenties, just kind of aware of the gaps that the military left for people. Um, whether that be someone, um, You know, you have all these remembrance things, or like at our football games, it was like the guy comes home and visits his family and it's up on the screen, you know, and those big emotional videos.
[00:12:39] Samantha Burmeister: So it's like the gaps that it left in kids' lives, in spouse's lives. Um, the financial gaps that it leaves for people, like it was just a very conflicted view of what the military meant. Um, and what that meant on an interpersonal level for people.
[00:12:57] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah, absolutely. And we, so we're [00:13:00] about we're three years apart.
[00:13:01] Jayla Rae Ardelean: So I was in seventh grade when 9-11 happened. And that was also quite the time for the punk rock scene because
[00:13:09] Samantha Burmeister: mm-hmm
[00:13:09] Jayla Rae Ardelean: any, and every band was using both Afghanistan and Iraq as content, as fodder for their music and their expression. And. You know, to grow up during that time and to be so impressionable during that time, when there was so much resistance over both of those wars, it was, I mean, I don't know any other way to describe it other than yes, it was very confusing.
[00:13:36] Jayla Rae Ardelean: It was very conf it was a conflicted time that didn't, didn't make a lot of sense to me. And so I, I think I kind of looked. I definitely looked outside myself to toward different peer groups to understand what was going on. And one of those ways was through music and
[00:13:56] Samantha Burmeister: mm-hmm,
[00:13:56] Jayla Rae Ardelean: that as a lens of understanding, [00:14:00] and I feel really bad now because at the time that I was silently protesting these wars, my husband was fighting in them. We just didn't know each other. And didn't know that that was going to be our path. We also have like a six year age gap too. So it was just enough time for him to be, to be involved in these things.
[00:14:19] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Um, but isn't that the same for Robert as well? Cuz he's he had been in 14 years before you guys met.
[00:14:26] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. Yeah. So he would've been, I mean, what in high school or entering high school around 9-11, but yeah, he had done. I mean before I graduated college, before I graduated high school, maybe he had done several tours mm-hmm um, yeah.
[00:14:43] Samantha Burmeister: And he's never been infantry. And that was also kind of part of my very narrow view of what the military was, was like, um, quite honestly, I, my biases and I'm still working to shed them is that they're all gun totin', and Republicans that hate the people over there and across that wall and [00:15:00] whatever. So, um, It was like, he had already had all of these experiences as like a very authentic person who is a free thinker, who, you know, doesn't, he falls into some stereotypes.
[00:15:15] Samantha Burmeister: We all do, but who doesn't just like live up to that, like, oh, they all vote this way and do that. Like, Just cuz they wear the same outfit to work every day. Doesn't mean they're all the same.
[00:15:24] Jayla Rae Ardelean: yeah, no. And I, I thought very similarly as well. I think we're, you know, very similar in that way that we just, we made a lot of assumptions and some of those assumptions are fair because some people do fit those molds in the, they exist for reason.
[00:15:40] Jayla Rae Ardelean: um, I was also pleasantly surprised, like the deeper con, the more in conversation I got with him in the beginning of our relationship about his role and how he feels about his experiences in both of those wars. I was like, oh shoot. Like, this [00:16:00] is, this is real deep stuff that I just, I never knew about. I never knew that even soldiers who are fighting in these, in these situations or assisting in them in some way also had conflicted relationships.
[00:16:16] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And what the task at hand was, um, that is not, that is something that completely escaped my awareness level. And part of it was because of my age. And I just wanted to see what I wanted to see. And the other part is just like, that's not what was on display. That's that's not actually what was being talked about.
[00:16:33] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And if you weren't raised in a military family or didn't already have those connections to military life, it's even harder to. Break that barrier in a way, and to understand what it is that people are going through.
[00:16:47] Samantha Burmeister: Mm-hmm it totally is. It totally is. And it's, like I said, it's still something that I really struggle with is like letting go of those, those things, those ideas, and like just being a little [00:17:00] bit closer to it gives me more tolerance, but I'm still. Just frustrated with them. Like something else. If it's not one thing, it's something else it's like, you know, I live in this online business owner world where like, we talk about company culture and taking time for yourself and self care. And I'm like, You don't even make overtime when you put in a 60 hour week.
[00:17:24] Samantha Burmeister: And, you know, so if it's like, if it's not on the macro scale of like, what's going on, you know, quote unquote "over there", um, wherever there may be, it's like what's going on on a day to day level. And it's just, um, I mean, I just keep thinking of things of like, what were my perceptions before, and it's like the high--
[00:17:43] Samantha Burmeister: trigger warning here, but like the high suicide rates, the high rates of depression, the high rates of spousal abuse, like the other things that you hear that come out of these, like you very high stress jobs, high stress situations, and. I can acknowledge [00:18:00] now that like my view was very narrow of like, well, the punk rock band says that war is bad and I think war is bad.
[00:18:05] Samantha Burmeister: So therefore, like all of y'all might be bad too.
[00:18:08] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. Um, it's easy to like lump it all together and it's so much more complicated than that.
[00:18:14] Samantha Burmeister: there's so much to it so much to it. And it's like at the end of the day, it's one of the larger largest employers in the U.S. , .You know? So there's, there's a lot of jobs that go into it.
[00:18:21] Samantha Burmeister: It's not just the saving private Ryans.
[00:18:24] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Great reference. Oh my goodness. know.
[00:18:27] Samantha Burmeister: I actually never seen that movie. It's just the first one movie that came to mind. I've never seen it.
[00:18:32] Jayla Rae Ardelean: It's even, that's even funnier the fact that you've never seen it. Uh, but it is like, it, it does kind of speak to, too how, if we don't have. Awareness level of military life prior to meeting our service members, like we are using things like pop culture to inform.
[00:18:51] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Our opinions. And, you know, we've talked about like the punk rock scene being one of those, but like even a movie, like saving private Ryan where it's, it's based [00:19:00] on something that's true. ,
[00:19:02] Samantha Burmeister: mm-hmm,
[00:19:02] Jayla Rae Ardelean: like true events, but it's like, obviously dramatized, but also if you watch movies like that with your soldier, uh, they're gonna tell you like, exactly. What is real, what is on par and what is probably dramatized, which is always so fascinating. Cuz if you don't have them sitting next to you, you develop all that on your own. You're just kind of like, oh, this probably isn't real. That's probably fake. but yeah, you'll be sitting there and it's always the thing that you don't think is accurate that they're like, oh no, that's true. That's true.
[00:19:34] Samantha Burmeister: Mm-hmm
[00:19:35] Jayla Rae Ardelean: so off base that it just must be true. yeah.
[00:19:39] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. Those things are wild and that's something that, um, uh, um, Before, I didn't really pay much attention to the social media and people love to run in one direction or another, all of a sudden everyone, um, you know, two months ago when I was in South Africa, he was informed that he was [00:20:00] likely going to be flying to Ukraine.
[00:20:03] Samantha Burmeister: Um, and you know, then you've got all of these people who have nothing to do with anything. They they're just reposting something that resonated with them. And it's like, It's so interesting to me, as far as what you said with pop culture, that all of a sudden being close to it. I have to put my phone away.
[00:20:21] Samantha Burmeister: I am not emotionally ready to handle other people's thoughts, opinions, whatever. And it's like, I wanna be able to ask, like, can you just not share this for a while, but that's not my place to do it. And at one point I've probably been that person sharing. Pro this anti that, um, in a way that is just really freaking stressful.
[00:20:45] Samantha Burmeister: And it's like, I don't, I've never watched war movies, so I'm not gonna start now. Um, but also like participating in the rhetoric of just like running in one direction or another, and it's like, yeah, you wanna have this [00:21:00] bad man in Russia stopped. But also what does it take to have that happen? And like, do you really know what you're getting into? I don't, but I don't wanna find out either.
[00:21:08] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. Yeah. And it's such an interesting, like, uh, shift to make, because this is not a community that we envisioned being a part of
[00:21:18] Samantha Burmeister: mm-hmm
[00:21:18] Jayla Rae Ardelean: now we're in it. And so just like you said, our viewpoint becomes. Drastic in comparison to what it was before and feeling certain sensitivities over topics that we didn't like envision we ever would like I was, you know, if I had been on social media or if social media was as prominent. Back then during like the beginning of the Iraqi war, for example, like, oh man, I probably would've been really loud and proud about my viewpoints about it and not knowing that like my future husband is, has, was deployed there twice and almost lost his life countless times.
[00:21:58] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Like those are not things that you [00:22:00] know, but then when they kind of come full circle, it, it does change everything for you. It's like, ah, I'm still trying to like, just like you said before, like you're still trying to shed certain biases and like, you know, letting go of different stereotypes and things. Um, and it's not like an overnight process at all, but yeah, there's change happening.
[00:22:23] Samantha Burmeister: totally, and I think it's important too, to like, I have always thought. And I've said this to you before with like all of the, no offense asterisks, but like I've always thought it's really freaking weird when people's lives revolve around their spouse's careers. Um, you know, I'm from the Midwest. And so you'll see, like I love my linemen or whatever, and there's the whole show army wives.
[00:22:46] Samantha Burmeister: And it's like, I have a whole life. I had 28 years of life and experience and you know, what a decade of building my own career and whatever before him. So like, I love the [00:23:00] crap out of that, man. I don't love his career. I'll be straight up honest. I don't love that. It pulls him away. Um, you know, like I said, sometimes 60 hours a week.
[00:23:10] Samantha Burmeister: I don't like that. It stresses him out. I wanna see him happy. Um, You know, the greater mission of his career is not necessarily something that he's super attached to. And I think that's part of why we get along so well is like, he doesn't want me wearing, he, he's never gonna ask me to wear the, like, I love my service member t-shirt like, that just doesn't resonate. Yeah.
[00:23:32] Samantha Burmeister: He's there, he's there for the planes. He's there for the next four years. He's there for, you know, his own personal reasons. Um, and like, I, I, it's not that I don't associate with being a military significant other it's that I am so much more into like him and I and our relationship than I am, what our relationship might mean [00:24:00] in the eyes of the government.
[00:24:02] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah, and I was right there. I was right there for a long time and I think, well, clearly that has shifted cuz hi, I'm a military spouse mentor.
[00:24:11] Samantha Burmeister: Mm-hmm
[00:24:11] Jayla Rae Ardelean: also not something that I saw for myself. Um, so watch out, Sam, it might happen to you too. um, but it's true. What you're speaking to is. Not this, like centering on any one person's career, really, because I also see you like being a nomad, for example, like that, isn't just a career lifestyle choice that you've made.
[00:24:38] Jayla Rae Ardelean: That's also just like woven into the fabric of who you are. It's like a little bit more than. Wanting the option to work wherever, like from wherever, basically.
[00:24:51] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah.
[00:24:51] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Um, but I think what happens too, with, with service members in particular, um, they are taught that what they [00:25:00] do is who they are. Those two things are not separated.
[00:25:02] Jayla Rae Ardelean: It is like they are completely mashed together.
[00:25:06] Samantha Burmeister: Mm-hmm
[00:25:06] Jayla Rae Ardelean: and it's really, really hard to. Hear that over and over and over again, because we've never had an experience where that's actually been true.
[00:25:16] Samantha Burmeister: Mm-hmm
[00:25:17] Jayla Rae Ardelean: like we've come into this, having our own career, our own ambitions, our own, whatever. And it's always been a little bit separate from who we are as a person.
[00:25:27] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And. I think of that very differently. Now I think of that as almost a, as weird as this is gonna sound, I almost think of it as a privilege because I know that there are so many people out there who, um, who have been conditioned differently.
[00:25:43] Samantha Burmeister: There are people out there who have been conditioned differently and. It's again, it's a choice. You and I are here by choice. Like we, they say you don't choose who you fall in love with, but at the end of the day, we did understand what we were getting into when we made this decision to [00:26:00] live, where your spouse or in my case, my significant other has to live.
[00:26:05] Samantha Burmeister: Um, And it's like,
[00:26:07] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I think that's all, you know, though.
[00:26:09] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah.
[00:26:10] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Like that's just like the baseline. You, you don't actually know how hard it's gonna be and you don't actually know what challenges you're gonna experience, but at a baseline, you understand that they do not have location freedom and they also don't have time freedom. and those are just two things that you're like, okay. Yeah, I get it. Or I don't.
[00:26:31] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. And like, I've never been big on like making a ton of plans. Like for example, I told you all the places that I thought I was gonna visit in 2020, um, I didn't have tickets to go to any of those places except for Italy cause that was like two weeks ahead of my schedule, but like. You know, it is interesting because, because of the lack of control that we have in our current lifestyle, it's like, okay, you wanna go somewhere? We're talking about potentially going to Hawaii. Uh, [00:27:00] November and it's like, now I want that control.
[00:27:02] Samantha Burmeister: I wanna be able to buy the tickets, but we don't buy tickets that aren't refundable. Like we don't do things like that right now, especially, um, you know, things got spicy in the middle east last summer. Things are, you know, spicy in Eastern Europe right now. And it's like, you know, depending on how that relates to his current job and it's like, I never thought that it would have more control over. Over my life. Um, and my ability to make plans that I wanted to make. Um, I just, I never saw the decisions of my government and other governments.
[00:27:37] Samantha Burmeister: Coming down to the micro things of like last summer, there was one Thursday where I was working at a cafe in our town and he called, he was like, Hey, can I call you? And I was like, yeah, for sure. We had a wedding coming up that Saturday. And I was like, oh man, he's probably gonna have to work. We're gonna cancel our hotel and just go up on Saturday. And he was like, um, Hey, they asked me to calls me. He's like, [00:28:00] Hey, they asked me to deploy.
[00:28:02] Samantha Burmeister: And I was like, oh man, that sucks. Like when he's like leaving Saturday, it was Thursday. Um,
[00:28:10] Jayla Rae Ardelean: yeah
[00:28:11] Samantha Burmeister: and it, it, the way that it worked out is he didn't end up having to go that quickly. Someone else stepped in, but someone did.
[00:28:18] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah.
[00:28:19] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. Someone did. And that could have been, could have been him, could have been us. And it's just, like I said, it's a decision to be here, but it's a decision because I love him. Not because of, you know, my allegiance to the U.S. Air force.
[00:28:33] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. Yeah, and I think that's, that's been one of the things that's been really difficult to articulate to at least my family and friends who also have little awareness of military lifestyle too.
[00:28:49] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Because that's all they see really about him. They , they saw a few, a few, um, I guess descriptors one, that he was an officer in [00:29:00] the army two that he was divorced and three that he was a dad. Like that was all the conversation was about when we first met. And sometimes it still is only about that.
[00:29:11] Samantha Burmeister: mm-hmm
[00:29:11] Jayla Rae Ardelean: um, but it wasn't it, it wasn't about like, I was seeking somebody to marry in the military. Like I just didn't think that that was gonna happen. It was like, I met him and yes, he told me what he did for a living. And yes, he technically gave me all of these other red flags, but like, it didn't matter because it came down to like who he was and our connection that we had.
[00:29:36] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And then we just kind of like figured. Figured the rest out, but yeah, there, I guess there are people out there who are looking for people in like specific career fields. I don't know, like, yeah.
[00:29:49] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. There's like kind of that adage of like, Ooh, women love a man in uniform and I'm like, I, I don't know, like what kind like, what, what does that do for you [00:30:00] specifically?
[00:30:01] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. Are we talking like, you know, and there, there are, you know, certain things and I think there's the implications of like, because they're really hard workers and whatever, or he actually just explained to me recently, um, I don't remember what the word was, but it's basically women who are looking for health insurance so they're like into service members about it and I'm like, oh, I'm a strong, independent woman. I can go to Mexico for my healthcare.
[00:30:30] Samantha Burmeister: no, I'm joking. But like, no, that is a thing that I was just not aware of because of my, my own lifestyle. And it's like, or, you know, the young couples, it does make sense. Um, yeah, I mean, It doesn't resonate with me, but I can see where it makes sense for people. Um, yeah.
[00:30:47] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Well, and when they're, when those types of couples are making that decision together, especially where, you know, the, uh, future service member has expressed interest in entering the military and it's sort of like a [00:31:00] couple's decision or they meet, you know, while that person is in ROTC , the track has already started, but you haven't really like left
[00:31:08] Samantha Burmeister: mm-hmm
[00:31:08] Jayla Rae Ardelean: you haven't like left the station yet. You're still you're still kind of at ground zero in a way. So it's, it's hard to, uh, I don't know, refute that and to say like, oh, well, no, go do something else. Just that here or whatever. So, yeah.
[00:31:24] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. Different. Different perspectives when it comes to that. Um, but I do remember people being very, uh, interested and obsessed with like what his ranking was when we first met, because that was their awareness of the military. And I sound stupid. I was like, I don't know. He's I think he was just promoted to major. I'm not really sure.
[00:31:47] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And they're like, oh, O-4. And I'm like, cool. Is that what that means?
[00:31:54] Samantha Burmeister: yeah. Yeah. People still ask me and I do know his rank now, but it is funny cuz it's like [00:32:00] other or I'll meet, you know, people here, you know, since I live near an army base and I'll, you know, meet some of, sorry, I'm in Iowa right now, currently visiting family so when I say here it's I meet people here in my hometown, um, who. Oh, your partners in the military, like what branch? What's their rank. And that's like, it, it helps people like with their boxes, we all, we all have the boxes in our minds and it's like, those are the boxes that they put the put other service members in and I'm over here, like, um, 16 years.
[00:32:33] Samantha Burmeister: That's impressive to me. Like that's the quantifiable in my mind.
[00:32:36] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Right, right. Yeah. And, and Jeremy had been in for 11 years by the time that we met. So I was just like, He's a career, man. I don't, I don't know, like, he's not going anywhere. Like this is what he's doing. That's all I can really describe. Yeah.
[00:32:51] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. Yeah
[00:32:52] Jayla Rae Ardelean: but aside from, you know, not understanding the lingo and the acronyms and like how to trace [00:33:00] his career line, for example, cuz he had been, he's had a prolific career prior to meeting you.
[00:33:05] Samantha Burmeister: Mm-hmm
[00:33:06] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I'd love to know some of the other challenges that you've experienced as a Late Career, uh, Milso.
[00:33:13] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. You know, so I wanna touch on that "Milso" because you're the first person and one of the only ones, but definitely the first to like give me permission to feel connected to the military in that way, because there is, you know, no thought spouse and mil spouse. And I mean, there's all these other words and acronyms and things that go into it.
[00:33:33] Samantha Burmeister: And I was very much on the outs of. Of that. Um, and so thank you for that for creating that space. I think creating that own, my own little acronym
[00:33:45] Jayla Rae Ardelean: of course. No, I think, I think it's really important because I, I don't mean it in a. Like a hierarchy type of way. I just know what it was like for the first two years of our relationship, unmarried mm-hmm and what, [00:34:00] all of the implications of that.
[00:34:01] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And then once we got married, how things changed because then the government finally cares about you and they don't, they don't really care about you prior to that. And nobody's advocating for you in that way. So I think it's important to distinguish between the two. So I don't, I hope for any other Milso who is listening to this?
[00:34:22] Jayla Rae Ardelean: This is not a space in which that is a detraction or not enough. It is the opposite. I am like applauding y'all for being in the position that you are right now. And even if you never get married, those kinds of things don't matter to me. It's. . Yeah. I just want you to know that you have a space here, so continue with what you're saying.
[00:34:44] Samantha Burmeister: yeah, yeah, no, it is it's, it is very important. And it's like, I am no less of a legitimate partner to my service member than if the government recognized our partnership differently.
[00:34:57] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Absolutely. In fact, I would argue you have a higher [00:35:00] level of commitment because technically you can say it's too much. I walk away at any time and you're not doing that.
[00:35:08] Samantha Burmeister: mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and you know, whether or not we do get married, I just really don't want it to be. And I, I would argue this for any type of couple. I don't want it to be my parents' decision. I don't want it to be because I'm pushed by any entity mm-hmm including the government. So I, I have, I have a lot of like feelings and thoughts around that, but I mean, other.
[00:35:32] Samantha Burmeister: I, there are challenges within that, in that, like, I can't go on base freely. Um, but I don't necessarily desire to, because I have never spent much time on base. So it's not like something that was ever taken away from me. I have my own gym and car and house and grocery store and everything that I need off base.
[00:35:55] Samantha Burmeister: Um, I don't at this time need or desire a [00:36:00] military passport, um, because there's a strong chance he's gonna be U.S. Based for the rest of his career. Um, so there's a lot that I think could be seen as challenges. Um, but really, I think it's just. My own internal challenges of like what I think that work can be and should be.
[00:36:19] Samantha Burmeister: And then seeing him go through the stressors that he has because of his job and the way that those are like, so permeating to his life. When I come from this world of like work life balance and. My concept of freedom and then the like colloquial concept of freedom and his concept of freedom. And, you know, the freedom isn't free version of freedom are all so vastly different.
[00:36:43] Samantha Burmeister: And I think that's the biggest challenge is like, The it's just kind of interesting too, to have like opinions on my partner's career. cause he doesn't care about like, he cares about my career, but he doesn't care about my career, but his career dictates if [00:37:00] we can go on vacation this summer or not, and not just in a, can he get time off, but like, is he allowed to go to that place?
[00:37:06] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah.
[00:37:06] Samantha Burmeister: And that's just so beyond my. My like what I can fathom.
[00:37:12] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. that someone would have this outside entity, like controlling those types of decisions and essentially like making those decisions for the service member. Yeah. Mm-hmm and then by virtue, you . Yeah.
[00:37:30] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And . Yeah. And I, I, I wanna recognize that. The location, freedom that you had experienced for years and years prior to even meeting him. And then now, you know, you're still finding a way to exercise that freedom and that right. That you want for yourself. Um, but then when it comes to, oh, we may not be able to go to vacation dur like during that time or even to that location, [00:38:00] because someone says, no, for him.
[00:38:03] Jayla Rae Ardelean: How do you, like, how do you handle that? Do you just like find a different place? Do you find something else to focus on or do you like grieve that a little bit? Or how does it, how does it like manifest in the day to day life of your guys' relationship?
[00:38:20] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah, I mean, it's, there's always just this sense of trepidation and I hate feeling it, it really tears me up, but like, We could make this plan to go to Hawaii in November.
[00:38:31] Samantha Burmeister: But every moment until we get on that plane, I am aware in some part of my body that that could be taken away that like we're, it's not, we are going to Hawaii in November. It's we're planning on going to Hawaii in November. Yeah. Just constantly setting myself up for that heartbreak. I think there is a little bit of grief in that.
[00:38:55] Samantha Burmeister: I mean the last time I left Mexico, cause I knew I was gonna be leaving Mexico. I was gonna [00:39:00] be visiting him and then coming back to the Midwest for a few months. And then the plan was to ultimately, um, home base out of California, which is what I'm still doing. But it was a really emotional last few days in Mexico.
[00:39:13] Samantha Burmeister: Cause I was like, is this the end of my nomad journey? Like my company is called nomad copy agency. Like I. Am a nomad. I am a traveler. I'm not giving that up, but in the way that I was home basing out of places for one to three months at a time previously, it's like, I'm still, you know, I'm currently in Iowa for a month because I have the freedom to be here.
[00:39:36] Samantha Burmeister: A family member needed some help. They. Like needed extra hands. So I'm able to be here for a month and then I'm able to go be in California for a few months and then I'll probably go do some fall travels. Um, which I did last fall. I saw you on my fall travels.
[00:39:53] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Oh yeah. That was in the fall. Crazy.
[00:39:55] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. And I was away for, you know, six weeks and then [00:40:00] this winter slash spring, I was away able to be away for a couple months.
[00:40:03] Samantha Burmeister: So. I think in that it used to be more linear of I'm in place one than place two than place three. It's like I'm constantly going back to place A, um, regardless of that place, I'm going back to my person.
[00:40:17] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. Wherever he is, or like just. And thinking about it more than the location, but just him .
[00:40:26] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah. Yeah. It's like that real cheesy, like home is where the heart is. Home is wherever I'm with you. Like, you know,
[00:40:31] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Sorry that's our wedding song. Okay. Like,
[00:40:35] Samantha Burmeister: is it really?
[00:40:36] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Don't make fun of us. I love that song. And it just makes a lot of sense for a military couple, which I didn't actually didn't pick it for that reason. But then as time has gone on, I'm like, oh man, you are my home. Oh yeah,
[00:40:52] Samantha Burmeister: totally. Totally. I mean, like if you were to take another Germany stage, if I were allowed to like, I would go. [00:41:00] Be there, even if it meant having to like, get an apartment in town off base, like mm-hmm cause I know stages aren't the same as, um, whatever, where you're living, whatever that's called um, so um, you know, but I mean, I'm used to that I'm used to, I posted up in Cape town, South Africa and just got an apartment in town because that's where I wanted to be.
[00:41:21] Samantha Burmeister: He was in the states, but you know, it, it is. When I say like, oh, I'll be going home or whatever. It's like, I'm going back to him. And if that changes, that's where I'll go. Like, I don't have a strong connection to California.
[00:41:36] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah. It's not about the state or the airport that you're flying into. That's just a, a means means end, I guess.
[00:41:46] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah, totally, totally.
[00:41:49] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Awesome. Um, well I know that you. I, I don't think the answer to this is any, but have you had to make any kind of pivots to your own career as a [00:42:00] result of getting into this relationship? Um, I think you're kind of in a unique category in that you were already nomadic. And so even if he were needing to move every two to three years, theoretically, that wouldn't that wouldn't hinder your work life.
[00:42:16] Samantha Burmeister: Right.
[00:42:17] Jayla Rae Ardelean: But has it hindered like your work life in some way?
[00:42:23] Samantha Burmeister: not, not in a way that I'd be able to identify if anything, it's just changed my lifestyle a little bit. But like I said, I still see it as being able to travel and work. And he's been super, super supportive of that. Cuz he, I mean, he knows what it's like to have to leave.
[00:42:39] Samantha Burmeister: And for me it's the poll is not. Because I have to it's because in my soul I have to, so yeah, he gets that. So it's a lifestyle change, but, um, I mean he wants to travel and there, he also wants to have a home base when he retires. So there's gonna be some compromise in that, in the [00:43:00] future. But, um, you know, I, I I've chosen to be here and I still feel like very free in my relationship.
[00:43:10] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Amazing. I love that.
[00:43:12] Samantha Burmeister: great. It's great. yeah.
[00:43:15] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I hope that we can all feel like just as free in our relationships, but, um, you guys are definitely like taking the cake in that area. I'm taking pointers, taking
[00:43:26] Samantha Burmeister: it's it's, like I said, it's a really interesting conversation. Next time you need an interesting conversation starter with your service member.
[00:43:32] Samantha Burmeister: Like what does freedom mean to you? Ooh, because it it's totally different and. Takes a lot of like context and reflection to find that.
[00:43:43] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah, well, and they're probably gonna immediately launch into like freedom isn't free type type conversation. Whereas you were thinking like, no, I meant like personally, what mm-hmm like on a personal level, what does freedom mean to you?
[00:43:57] Samantha Burmeister: yeah, and I mean, when you're every move is dictated, [00:44:00] I mean, what you can and can't where you can and can't go what you can and can't consume. Um, you know, a lot of that is like, It's permeating every area of the service member's life. Um, and it's like, but do you see that as a freedom? Do you see that as a parameter?
[00:44:18] Samantha Burmeister: Like what do you see that as? Um, and I mean, there's a whole other conversation for later on, but then like what happens when you have all of those freedoms back and what does that look like? And that's, that's a big question. Um, Because I see my partner as like a very free thinker and stuff, but also that's a, that's gonna be a really interesting transition in a couple of years.
[00:44:43] Samantha Burmeister: What are, what does more freedom look like?
[00:44:45] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Right. And I think, well, who knows, cuz he changes his mind every other day, but I think that they're gonna be retiring around the same time.
[00:44:54] Samantha Burmeister: Hmm mm-hmm
[00:44:55] Jayla Rae Ardelean: so let's continue chatting about that because just [00:45:00] like I hear how I hear a lot of hindsight advice for how to handle deployments.
[00:45:06] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I don't hear a lot of advice related to, oh, we haven't gone through the transition. We're leading up to the transition. Like those styles of conversations definitely need to be had and shared because mm. I mean, we could go. Yeah. That is a different that's like a whole other rabbit hole that we could go down today that maybe we can just come back and talk about a different time.
[00:45:29] Samantha Burmeister: yeah. Yeah, definitely. Cause I think there's a lot there and like for me, I'll continue working. I'll continue traveling. Like my geography is gonna change and like the amount of time that my partner is around will change.
[00:45:43] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yeah.
[00:45:43] Samantha Burmeister: Um, but like, you know, it's not only theirs to go through either.
[00:45:49] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Right. Right. It is, I mean, yeah, it's a whole, in some cases, an entire family unit that is like transitioning out of that last lifestyle [00:46:00] and I can't, oh my gosh.
[00:46:01] Jayla Rae Ardelean: I can't even believe that we're like just a few years away from that. Mm-hmm sounds scary. Yeah. And also it is it's scary.
[00:46:09] Samantha Burmeister: Cause we, we had a conversation recently about like, How do we back backwards plan that? Cause it's not just like, oh, the day happens in four years and then like our Sims character just arrives in a different part of the country or world
[00:46:21] Jayla Rae Ardelean: They begin processing like a year in advance or something.
[00:46:24] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Well, I think it depends on mm-hmm but at least for him it would be known ahead of time. So. Yeah.
[00:46:32] Samantha Burmeister: And it's like, you know, we're deciding where we wanna be and if that's even in the us or not, I mean, there's so much to take into consideration that I never would have before. Like for me, I can get private healthcare in like over half of the world that is very high quality for like 200 bucks a month.
[00:46:49] Samantha Burmeister: But for him it's like, he just has the VA forever. So, you know, there's all those little goofy things to think about. And it's like,
[00:46:58] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Logistics.
[00:46:59] Samantha Burmeister: [00:47:00] like those four years are gonna fly by because those four years really start in like a year of starting to plan all of that and like start coing
[00:47:08] Jayla Rae Ardelean: and the planning and the like, is this the offramp? Is this not the offramp? Oh my gosh. Yes. I know. So you'll come back and we'll talk about all that .
[00:47:16] Samantha Burmeister: Yes. Yeah, that'll be our next episode.
[00:47:19] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Great. Uh, well please tell everybody where they can find you online, and if you have anything to offer them today,
[00:47:26] Samantha Burmeister: Yeah, for sure. I'll totally self promote. Um, I'm on Instagram all the time.
[00:47:31] Samantha Burmeister: It's like too much. Um, @nomad.Copy. Um, or at nomadcopyagency.com. I write sales copy and I'd like to think I'm pretty darn good at it. So, um,
[00:47:43] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Spoiler alert: she's really good at it.
[00:47:47] Samantha Burmeister: Jayla Rae and I met in a copy context so she can vouch . Yes.
[00:47:55] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Guys I hired her yeah.
[00:47:57] Samantha Burmeister: That's how we met Jayla Rae hired me. We [00:48:00] met in an interview and this is how far we've come. Um, but a great way to get into my sphere. If you will, is I have a free copy audit. It's at the link in my bio. I'll send it to Jayla Rae, so that it ends up in the show notes as well. Um, but I will tell you what's good and what can be improved about your copy so that you can sell more stuff, whatever your stuff is.
[00:48:22] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Yes. And I was a beneficiary of that. Very copy audit, and I can't recommend it enough. So. Every military spouse, entrepreneur, who I know is listening to this, like, this is your girl, this is the person to go to for all your copy needs.
[00:48:40] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And yeah, I really appreciate you being here and just chatting through what your experience has been like. I know y'all, haven't been together for that long, but I also know that. What hasn't been packed into the last few years of your guys' relationship. Things move at like lightning speed and [00:49:00] also
[00:49:00] Samantha Burmeister: yeah.
[00:49:00] Jayla Rae Ardelean: And anything is packed into that time.
[00:49:02] Samantha Burmeister: yeah. It's only been a couple years, but in military years, I think we're what, like 80. I'm not sure. I,
[00:49:07] Jayla Rae Ardelean: yeah, like, does it work like dog years? Cuz it should. It definitely should.
[00:49:12] Samantha Burmeister: it should. Thank you for having me.
[00:49:14] Jayla Rae Ardelean: Of course. Bye y'all!