Deployment: 1 Week Down, Thank Goodness
This episode captures my first week of deployment, and that Week 1 Emergency that always seems to come up once they leave! Spoiler alert: I survived it, but only barely. Learn what I brought back with me from a hotel in New Mexico (the aliens did it!), how I'm feeling about being alone, and what I'm looking forward to.
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The Heart of a Milspouse Podcast is hosted by Jayla Rae Ardelean, Late Career Army Milspouse + Mentor.
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Episode Transcription Below:
Hey there, Jayla Rae here. And we are at the end of week, one of deployment seven days have officially passed. And what I want to emphasize is that I am capturing this journey as I move through it, which means that some of this information isn't massage to give you a beautiful piece of wisdom or insight. I feel that this is more about solidarity for those who know what it's like to experience a deployment. If I've caught you out there and you're currently amidst a deployment, I hope this brings you a little bit of hope, a little bit solace.
(01:00):
And this is just to capture the rawness of it all so that when it's over, I never forget all of the nuances as to why it was so difficult or, you know, what beautiful gifts this experience gave me. Sometimes it's really easy to move through an experience. And when you come out the other side, you kind of package it up. You, you put it in like a little box with a bow essentially, and you give the gift of that wisdom to someone else. And while I do hope that I can do that for somebody at the end of this deployment, I think it's also important to capture the journey itself.
(01:44):
So let's get into week one. Yeah.
(01:51):
All right. Well I dropped him off at the airport on a Monday. This is like very even which is pretty convenient that he left on a Monday. So my weeks are very literal and easier to keep track of. So I've dropped him off at the airport. Of course it was a tearful goodbye. It was not a moment that I was looking forward to the day before day zero was my 32nd birthday. And it wasn't such a great birthday and I didn't even expect it to be I know that not all birthdays can be winners, but I was caught in between mourning the loss of my stepfather a couple of months ago. And this being the first birthday I'm experiencing without him, it was the first year in probably 16 or 17 years that I did not receive a bouquet of flowers from him. It was also the first time since him and my mom were married that she signed a card alone and without him and that emptiness was unavoidable on my birthday, as much as I wanted to be in a really happy mood. I really wasn't. And then I was also anticipating the goodbye that would happen the next day with Jeremy. So this
(03:45):
was not such a great birthday. It was a great goodbye in of itself. So because we got to say what we needed to say, got to express how we were feeling. And he felt supported through, well, really for the last like couple of months since we've been preparing, but especially that morning he was very frantic and finishing packing. And I did what I could, I did what I could to support him in making it through that. And no one was late to the airport, which was great. So on my way, home from dropping him off, I was thrown right into work. I had expected to work for the full day and for this entire week, but what I did not anticipate or expect was the intensity of what work would look like for this week. This was one of the most intense weeks I have had at work ever.
(04:54):
Not just in this position at this job, but just ever in my work experience. It was a lot of really high highs and a lot of really low lows and a lot of pressure and a lot of tasks that were pretty emergent. And it was really difficult to bring my energy and focus to everything I was, you know, distracted by the fact that Jeremy was not here anymore. I got everything done that I needed to get done, which was great. But I also suffered a bit because I got a cold this week. It was clearly due to stress. And I had posted in my stories on Instagram that in general, this was just one of the most intense, and it wasn't just because of work and the fact that Jeremy left, but for what I'm about to tell you, and I want you to know that I'm really embarrassed about it. Even though it's not really my fault and was out of control, I guess, out of my control, I guess you could say the connotations that go with this I know are very, like,
(06:19):
You just get like really disgusting thoughts about that person knowing this piece of information, but I'm going to tell you, because one of the things I've heard from multiple military spouses is that the that sometimes the day their spouse leaves for a deployment or at least the same week an emergency happens, and it really tests you and it really forces you to rely on yourself or maybe another member in your community or family or a friend or something that you wouldn't go to first. And I experienced that Jeremy was not here. I could not go to him for this. So that was very enlightening for me this week. I'll just say it. I have lice.
(07:20):
I rediscovered it on Friday of this week in the middle of a very intense like work process that I was trying to finish. I usually feel like Fridays are going to be like a little more expansive and spacious and I'll have, you know, time and space to do, to finish things as I please. And then usually that never happens because it's the end of the week, I'm wrapping up so many loose ends that I don't want hanging over my head throughout the weekend, that it can be a very like pressure filled environment. And I am the one pressuring myself. It's not that someone else is pressuring me, but sometimes I think that pressure is useful this week. It was not. So if you heard in the last episode I recorded that episode shortly after coming back from a trip that Jeremy and I had taken to Austin, we're currently located in San Antonio and Austin is just a little over an hour away and it was over 4th of July weekend.
(08:31):
And it was just to get away for the two of us as a couple strip prior to him deploying. And I didn't tell you in that episode that I had lice the night before we went to Austin. And if you've ever had lice, maybe when you were a child or your children have had it you know, that it is an emergency you literally have to drop everything because it's not only taking care of the treatment to get rid of the lice, but then it involves an abundant amount of laundry and cleansing and repairing your space and setting it up for success so that you don't get life's all over again, even though you've done the treatment. So even though we were very diligent in the night before going to Austin giving me the treatment, taking care of our space, somehow I never fully got rid of it.
(09:42):
And then I rediscovered it this week. So I'm not sure how that happened. I'm not sure like where it came from specifically. I did literally everything that you can do. So that was a bummer because as soon as I discovered it, I knew that I was going to have a really hard time conducting the treatment on my own head. I have very long, very thick hair, and I was trying to do my best. I had used like a, a cleanser it's like a post-treatment cleanser shampoo that it claims that it will like continue to kill the lice. So that in case you missed any nits and they rehash, I know this is so disgusting. Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed talking about this.
(10:37):
In case the, the nits that you've missed in your treatment hatch later, this is what this shampoo is supposed to take care of. So I use the shampoo, I brushed my hair. I discovered that I still had lice. I freaked out, I went to a CVS, I got all of the same treatments and everything that I needed again. And I knew that I was going to have a hell of a time trying to do my own head, especially getting the back area, which is the area that they love to hang out in. And if you've ever seen my hair, I mostly don't wear it down. I actually wear it up in a bun, which basically is the perfect environment because it's like a little skyscraper and I'm sure it's just a blast for any kind of parasites. So that's really disgusting visualization, but I have to laugh a little bit.
(11:33):
So I told my boss and the leadership team I have at work what was going on. And two of them were immediately remorseful and were like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I wish I could help. And and one teammate is a local to me. We actually live in the same city. So she offered to come over and to help me de-lice. And I will be honest and say, I ignored her message for at least an hour, because it was so embarrassed and accepting that kind of help. First of all, she's never been to my house before. And secondly, we hadn't really spent a lot of like in-person time with each other since the pandemic has started to not be as, as dramatic as it once was and vaccines are more and more prevalent. So I hadn't really seen her in person in so long.
(12:32):
So I ignored her message and then she messaged me again and said, Hey, are you sure? Like I could even come tomorrow. And I decided to accept her help, which was a very big step for me because I was so deeply embarrassed. I'm still embarrassed about it. But the challenging thing wasn't actually getting rid of the lice and doing this whole process myself, it was feeling like it's all on my shoulders to do it. Even though she came to help me, like, you know, actually de-lice and do the treatment, all of the aftercare and all of the furniture care and the laundry care, all of that is, is on me. It's on my shoulders. There is no help here for me because Jeremy is not here. And that's what was hard about it. And it was sort of a cherry on top of an already very intense, very week and emotionally draining week.
(13:38):
So I guess that was my emergency, I guess that was the emergency that military spouses refer to that happens when they leave. Right before we went to Austin, our air conditioning system broke and I thought to myself, I was like, wow, like, how fortunate am I, that this is breaking before he's leaving, because now we can help each other out in fixing this and, you know, picking the right company to come and replace it. You know, if you've ever replaced an air conditioning system, you know, that it's thousands of dollars, it's very, very expensive. And I thought like, well, maybe I like skated by maybe that was the emergency. It wasn't getting lice again was definitely my emergency and there probably will be other emergencies. I'm not saying that was it. I'm just saying that's week one. That's just to recap what happened in week one.
(14:40):
I also conducted a training at work. I not only conducted the training, but I also had to like put the slides together and put all of that together for work. And actually my my team at work, they had gotten me a birthday gift to attend the international Enneagram association conference virtual conference that was happening just this past weekend. And I, it started on Friday and I didn't really get to watch anything on Friday, aside from one presentation, because work was so intense and then I had this emergency. So I w I had that feeling of rushing around and wanting to get back to the conference and feeling like I was maximizing the gift that had been given to me because I was so excited about it. But then I got to do that over the weekend.
(15:38):
I'm recording this on Sunday, July 18th, and yesterday that teammate and friend came over and she helped me de-lice. I got to watch a couple more presentations and then another one today that just really blew my mind and got to make beautiful, amazing connections with those people. So there were a lot of good things that happened this week, too. And I am, I'm also settling into the fact that, you know, being a homeowner comes with a very long to do list of maintenance items. And this is going to sound so silly whether you're a homeowner or not. But I wasn't 100% responsible for taking out the trash and recycling. That was something that, that Jeremy did 90% of the time. So now I have to actually pay attention to these calendar alerts that let me know, Hey, tomorrow's trash day.
(16:39):
You should probably take care of yourself. Tomorrow's recycling. You should, you should take care of that. And here in Texas a lot of people have water softeners, and I noticed this week that there's definitely something off with the water softener. So I need to take care of that. And the pool cleaner is officially broken. So I'll need to take that in and get repairs or get it replaced or, or whatever. So there's lots of household maintenance happening. Those are just a few things I could go on and on about this, but I'm settling into the fact that there's a lot on my shoulders right now to maintain and to keep up with. And I, I just want to note that if you don't know me and part of my journey, if maybe this is the first time you're tuning in I am a step-mom, but the kids don't live with us.
(17:39):
So I am alone. I am by myself and this whole week being by myself and, and doing all of these things alone. It's not that it was lonely and it will get lonely. I know it will get lonely. It's not that it was lonely. It was just the pressure to complete everything because there was no assistance. And all I could think was, oh my God, those Natera spouses who are moms and have children at home and all of the household responsibilities whether they had been previously shared, or maybe they were, you know, split, or maybe they weren't, maybe it was them doing it all along. I don't know. But once, once your spouse leaves and there's no one to rely on in that area all I could think was I thought I understood this before, but now I, I'm definitely getting a deeper understanding as to what that might feel like.
(18:43):
And again, the kids are not here, so I'm not exactly in those shoes, but I do plan to have them come here and I do plan to go and see them which I'll be doing solo. So anyway, it was a pretty intense week. Thanks for listening. You can think of this podcast as kind of like an unedited book, like a manuscript, I guess you, I guess, would be the proper term. And a lot of these, these first few episodes are going to be pretty, pretty raw, and I'll just record them as I'm going. And I hope to open up the series to having guests on eventually. But for right now, it'll just be me talking about each week as it goes and any milestones that I may, may reach or any important pieces of advice that maybe I do come up with. And I don't have any for this time. Like, I'm just happy that I survived the week. That's really, that's really it. Thanks for listening.